mY hEaRt'S sAnCtUaRy...

Alangan Cu Queca

2012-02-06T17:36:00.000+08:00

Neng Josephine Luz de Leon
Pebreru 2, 2012

Queng tagle mung santing ampong ticdo
Pijung dacal a matang maglolo
Dumalan ca siguradung bumatyo
Maglusu la ding pusung gagayo

Matino ca at ating gelingan
Yng lagyu mu tutung quebaluan
Maracal la reng queca alangan
Mesabing metung a matenacan!

Pibatyon-batyon, silip-silipan
Potang biglang lunsu’t mipadalan
Lucsu yng pusu gang quen mung timan
Sumlag ing aldo cabang cabengian

Mara-marine, sala-salicut
Yng lacas ning lub, tutung yang dimut
Quiac-quiac ampong sinuc-sinuc
Pigil siuala, saradu asbuc

E ‘sing timyas ning dalagang Isiang
Culang leguan, malaut cang Sianang
Ecu artista, ecu paintunan
Queng lele dalan, labas-labasan

Malaut yng acu yang aburian
Marayu yng estadu’t cabilian
Yng queng bie mu, ala cung lugalan
Dapat yti cacu yang aintindian

Bista man queng bie mu tutung alangan
Yng pusu cu, ycang luluguran
Yng iraque yng laue mu’t timan
Quislap mata, tulang ‘lang cayarian!

Yng Cuentu Cu

2012-02-06T17:25:00.002+08:00

Neng Josephine Luz de Leon

February 5, 2012

Cabang atyu queng dalan ba’t Menila muli na
Babalic-balican cu, aldong miyabe cata
Aldo pecamasaya, aldong pala mipnu la
Alub nang e mayari, e buring mauala pa.

Anyang linubut cata, inarap queng barcada
Pequilalang pamilya, at siniclod carela;
Anyang pequilala mu at sinabing acu na
E uari ana saya, E mipnu ing tula ta?

Pecapaquiramdaman nyang mipagcuentu cata

‘Gyang misan e aintindyan, pequiquibaluan cu la

Ban atin cung adaque, at asambitla queca

Ban mu namang abalu , tutung tutucyan da ca.

Balu cung acaquit mu, quislap dare ning mata

Yng aldo saslag sala potang acaquit daca

Teterac ne yng pusu, agyang titiman ca pa

Anti cung susulagpo, queng umang iba’t queca

O baquit ninanu na? O baquit ca meuala?

Nucarin ca migdatun, ba’t yng sala mepula?

Nanu rugung milyari, mipacanyan yng calma?

Sinta cu at caladua, nucarin catang adua?

Licquan mu cung magdili, cabud mu bigla-bigla!

Emu pequiramdaman, e mecapagsalita

E mucu man binatyo, e caman miganaca

Abe co balu mu sa, menacasaquit cu’t meina!

Sibucan cu ing tagal, paquit quegana-gana

Ban mumung apaltutuan, lugud pariquil queca

‘Gyang nucarin ca munta, ala iting calupa

Tune’t mapibabata, lugud a ‘lang capara!

Milabas yng panaun, deng aldo atna caba

Balang galo ning relo, pibabatan cung bina

‘Ti cu waring candila, miyanginan at mitda

Emu cabud abilang, pijung dinagus yng lua.

Mibalic queng isip cu, deng galo ban misalba

Migcasaquit quinimut, nung sang iquit mu yta

Malaus mangaplus ca, at mecad mibalic ca

Quiac yng cacung siuala, tutung magmalun queca .

Oneng emu cu iquit, maracal a dalaga

Yla ring queca bage, mangalagu’t macualta

Enaca manaquit pa, agyang pang numanu ca

Sing timyas ning pusu cu, yng lugud para queca!

Si PRof sa Stat...kakatuwa!

2012-01-13T20:16:00.000+08:00

Sabi ni Prof. nung inaabot nya ang taas ng board,

"Sorry, hindi ako ganon kataas... nag iimagine lang ako."

hehe..kakatuwa lang.

Blogging on my Stat Class

2012-01-13T20:12:00.000+08:00

I am now having my stat class. The room is so cold. my head is aching because of the almost sleepless nights doing lots of things. But anyways, I'm stilll learning.. We just had a very toxic thinking for hypothesis testing.

Anyways, I'm still hapy..I saw him. The apple of my eyes.

I want to find my heart this Christmas

2011-12-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

I've been wondering why I feel this way. I should be happy. I know I should be; and they say it is a choice. Yet, I can't totally make myself believe that I am happy no matter how I tried to be. I feel that I am missing something...or somethings.

Christmas is a time of hope and joy. This is why I am still hopeful and still looking at the brighter side of everything for me to find joy. But then sometimes, I find it tiring this way but I know this is life and I can't get rid of this.

I tried to find a break through a trip I had with my cousins. It was fun and relaxing. I hope it never ended but of course the tour was only for 3 days and I am now back to reality. I am now again here facing the problems I left.

You may wonder what I am referring, well, it's about stuffs at home. same old things. same old sentiments....and it is tiring. I am not tired of giving myself for them. I know it is what God wants me to do, to serve my family and provide them what they need. But it is always frustrating that you have given your part, your share, yourself, yet they will make you feel it is not yet enough. Here comes my sentiments. I almost given everything, and still they want to have even what you keep for yourself. I do save somethings, because I know, when time comes and you'll need them, you have none but yourself. Sabi ko nga kay mama,

"Sabihin mo nga kung sino malalapitan ko kapag ako yung nangailangan? Wala diba? Sino yung tutulong sa atin? Wala din naman akong maasahan kundi yung sarili ko."

I'll leave the issue here.

Is it bad to sometimes want to receive anything from them as a piece of token after a whole year of hardwork and perseverance? Is it too much for me to ask for that? Well, I won't ask if they've nothing but I know they have something, and if only they want, they will at least remember me. What saddened me most is that, they even share what they have with others who have even done nothing to them And one more, I really hate gambling. They have money now, but gamble them rather help me with our expenses! I just really can't voice it out coz if I did, I'll be a "masama at walang pagmamahal na anak." Well I heard it already. "(Ako na yung walang pagmamahal at walang kwenta.) I pity myself. This is what I always got. Do you think I deserve all these? I think I don't. But God, I still wish for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Help me forget all the pains that I have and guide me always.

Out of home stuffs, I am still missing something... I know I am missing a part of my heart. I honestly look back all those who in one way or another captured my heart. But I know, any of them, I am not in their heart. well, that's reality, and it's sad. I admit, there are still people from the past who are still special and loved. If any of them will come and confess love, he might gain my heart again. But well, I won't insist. I just love on my own. Anyways, I still do not know if he will really fit the missing part of my heart. I do not want another heartbreak again...I've been crashed and torn a lot of times. Another heartbreak might be fatal. But then again I pray, that God will lead me to the man who will love me more than enough to make me stay for the rest of his life. And I solemnly pray for this.

Thanks to you my online blog for letting me express this cause I know people might get tired of hearing my tiring stories and sentiments...And I do not want to kill joy, cause I know everyone is busy preparing for the Christmas day. I've no one to talk to. Thanks blog.

love,

Josha =)

A Glimpse of Pagudpud Memories

2011-11-07T21:53:00.001+08:00

I’ve a glimpse of Pagudpud memories;

It’s lovely, enchanting, full of mysteries;

Inspiring, enlightening, beholds glory

For a heart that is lost

It’s a perfect sanctuary.

Green mountains surround me

Soothe my eyes, I found a refuge

Ease the tiredness I have inside

Reveal the tears I tacitly hide.

Chilly breeze from the shore

Teasingly tells, my life is cold

Whispers reality, the real score

My life still longs for a love to hold.

Evening waves come fierce and rough

A simile of the struggles that are tough

Exactly an edifice of the pains I’ve got

Grieve like the sounds of the waves at night.

Rain pours on an unexpected time

Reminds me of how my life had turned

For surprises made me stunned

Yet I’ve to stand despite of the heavy rain.

Luckily, I found a calm, relaxed morning

Heard the birds sing and the sea catches rhythm

I found a promise, another hope and hymn

A fortune that brings me to a place I’ve never been.

In Pagudpud, I’ve relived my heart

I’ve to live a brand new start

To forever give everything that I have

To a man who deserves my undying love.

Josh

Nov 6, 2011

End of October 2011

2011-10-31T10:52:00.004+08:00

October is about to end... so fast. It started rough but I'm glad it's about to finish with something I had accomplished. My previous post has something to do with my sentiments and frustrations yet I am glad to see the brighter side. Thank God.

The first two weeks of October were really stressful. Level III Phase II Accreditation really made us work hard like finishing papers and documents, accomplishing the previous visit's recommendations,and at the same time, have to cope up with my classes to finish our course syllabi. It was really tiring to major things at the same time. I was tasked to be the Chairman for the COE Extension Services Unit for BTTE... It is hard to work on this area since we had to accomplished a lot of things though we do not have budget and this area is a mandatory one! Guts and dedication are really needed to fulfill such responsibility. I am glad Dr. Gigante was there to assist and teach me. At some point during this time, I got frustrated and disappointed with how people treat me, not to mention names, but with lots of people who trust and believe on my capabilities, I was able to make it. Thank you. To sum up, I am thankful that we passed the Level III Phase II Accreditation! Kudos to everyone! Right after the accreditation day, our college treated us with a lunch at Partyland in San FDO. We watched movie afterwards. My first time to had such bonding with the faculty of the college of education.

Not to mention on the early part of this month,we celebrated the World Teacher's Day, Oct 5. Since I am one of the advisers of the College's Student council, we had to prepare on this. The class suspensions on the previous days made it hard for us to fix a lot of things that's why we needed to meet and gather in school even though there was class suspensions. I am just glad everything ended well and I am happy that we had placed smile in every teacher's face. Good job to all the Officers of the College of Education Student Council.

During the third week of October I needed to work hard and organize my works because I needed to finish my students' grades before the fourth week. And I am glad I was able to make it. It is just that I have to budget time...proper time management is really important. Friday of the same week, Oct 21, we also had the closing ceremony of the Numeracy Program in Tinajero which I am the one in-charge for the closing. I took a lot of time making certificates and programs, but at the end of the day, I can say, "Mission Accomplished!" Thank you to all the Mathematics teachers and students of COE, the Rotary Club of Villa de Bacolor, and the Tinajero Elem School for making it a success. Thanks too to Jollibee who made it a little special.

State Colleges and Universities Faculty Association of Region III (SCUFAR 3) Sports Festival held at Tarlac State University occupied my Oct 24-26. I played Badminton, Volleyball, and Relay but I didn't win. But I am glad that I was able to represent my university. I regret that I wasn't able to play my game the 100m dash because I came late. well, lesson learned. I'll make up next year. I promise. In general, I enjoyed it for I had my closed friends with me. I was able to bond with them and talk a lot of things, anything under the sun. It was such a good experience. Thank you guys!

Following the SCUFAR 3, I needed to packed my things again as I needed to go with the Rotaractors in Pagudpud Ilocos Norte dated Oct 27-30 for the Rotary Youth Leadership Awards 2011. I had fun though the travel made it exhausting. But nevertheless, the place was a nice spot... the waves and water attract tourists. Though the people's (local) accommodation was really outdated and lacks hospitality, I still find it a must-see place..and I am looking forward to be here again in the future. I was also able to see other places in Ilocos Norte including a part of Cagayan. I love the wind mills! They're really fascinating. I was able to bond with other Rotarians from Sn Fdo P and Western Pampanga. They're kind and accomodating too. Though I am the only girl in the group except to Nicole,a Rotarian's daughter, I felt the respect. Thank you.

And today, I just want to spend the whole day with a bundle of rest! And this blog post? I think it is just worthy to summarize this month since I had lots of accomplishments, activities and fulfilling experiences. I simply want to thank everyone who made this October a good one.

Let me Welcome November! A new month is about to come and I am looking forward for another journey in my life. I am looking forward for another accomplishments, planned and unplanned. I am looking forward for the start of my journey as a student, again, this time in the Doctorate level. I claimed that God will continuously shower me with His unconditional love and blessings. Thank you Lord. Thank You for every little thing that you shower and bestowed upon me. I always give back the glory to You.

Thank you October and Welcome November... hopefully a sweet November. =)

Sad, Stress, Frustrated

2011-10-15T19:27:00.000+08:00

I am sad and frustrated now. Though I've accomplished a lot this year, I just really can't escape the reality that things aren't easy. Things might not work the way we wanted them to. There are things that will really test our determination, our goals and dreams. I am now being tested in a way that I find it hard to handle. The problem, this is not really a big one, yet it is frustrating...it is tiring..for things repeatedly happen...nothing is new except from the fact that I am now out of control.

From the very start, my dream is to provide for my family. This is always my goal. I never wanted to see my mom again being slaved for other people and received unworthy amount. That's why I wanted to finished my studies so I'll be the one working. Thank God He made me accomplished it. Soon I shouldered the responsibility of having my grandma stay in our house. And sometimes letting my auntie (a special child) to be with us a part of the year. I worked hard to provide the needs...But these arent my sentiments, it is from my whole heart. But you know, there are things in life that no matter how I wanted it to happen and stay, there are still people who will make these things hard, Not to mention who it is, I am really tired with the confrontation that I had for having my lola in our side. I am really tired of it. With all the patience that I have, I tried to understand. But now, I really do not have a control on this. My Lola needs to leave our house, my poor lola. I am saddened that she has to leave and be with my uncle. I do not know what will happen to her there. It seems my achievements and dreams are being torn into pieces now. I am hopeless. But I promise, I'll get you back Lola. I will. I just need to fix somethings. As of now, i do not know were to start. as of now, I feel so down.

Escape

2011-10-15T18:56:00.000+08:00

I want to seek for a distance

At this moment

To escape...

To find peace …

To find myself…

I want to look for a comfort

To ease this tiring burden

I want to rest

For I’ve been very tired

I want to sleep for so long

With an assurance of waking up

I want to find the light

For things are in darkness now

I want to brighten my days

The way they were before

I want to start a new

And continue those that are good

I want an escape

For a while

Soon, I’ll be back

Again, with a smile

With a renewed strength to continue life

With clearer path to take

With me, to share to thee…

From BEED 3A

2011-10-07T22:28:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPtsx60FeR8&feature=share

Received this very thoughtful and sweet gift from my Student! Thank you

i love everything you put here...and espcially my boys,,,the chipmunks! salamat sa inyong lahat.nakakaiyak! tears of joy nga! i feel special. through you i feel, importante ako, through you, i can feel i am loved. in times im sad, without you knowing, i look up into you and wanted to attend your class, kasi alam ko you know how to put smile in my face. kahit na mad ako minsan pag pasok, never akong umalis sa class ng walang smile. thankyou so much for the love. you really made me proud that i have you... with you i don't need to prove myself to other people, because i know you are my proof of what i do inside the class, you are the proof that being teacher is not just my career...it is my life..it is my passion. you are the proof that i need to convince myself that i am an not just an instructor..but a TEACHER. thank you.

This song is for those, who inspire us today;
Who always lend a helping hand, to help show us the way.
This song is for those, who see their students through;
The tough times in their lives, for that we say thank you.

CHORUS
_____You have made a difference, You have shaped our minds;
_____You have changed the world, one child at a time.
_____You have always been there, in everything you do;
_____I hope that you’re as proud of me, as I am proud of you.

This song is for those, who heard the silent cries;
Who stepped in to wipe the tears, from the children’s eyes.
For those who gave us, a safe place to grow;
A place for us to call our home, forever we will know . . . that [CHORUS]

This song is for those, who taught us right from wrong;
Who taught us much more than their craft, to help our minds grow strong.
This song is for those, who guide us through and through;
So that we can make a life, for that we say THANK YOU. [CHORUS]

As I look back on my life, into the path within my reach;
I hope I can change a life, of those that I teach…

I can make a difference, all I do is try;
Try to see a different world, through the children’s eyes.
And I will always be there, in everything I do,
I hope that you’re as proud of me, as I am proud of you.
And I will always be there, in everything I do,
I hope that you’re as proud of me, as I am proud of you.

Is love sweeter the second time around?

2011-08-30T23:12:00.001+08:00

Kanina tinanong ako ng isang kaibigan, ano daw ang gagawin ko kung bumalik sya? Hindi ako kaagad nakasagot. ang sabi ko na lang.."Di ko alam. Hindi ko talaga alam. =(" Sabi ko din, di ko alam kasi di ko na iyon iniisip man...ni ayoko ng damhin. Sa loob ko'y wala naman din naman iyong saysay dahil alam kong wala ng ganoong posibilidad, hindi man sa akin. Dama ko, sa kanya.

Nasabi ko din, di ko po alam kasi di ko pa naramdaman na may bumalik. Parang pag tinuldukan na nila ay, wala na talagang babalik. Kaya di ko alam kung "Love is sweeter the second time around."

Ewan ko ba. Basta ang alam ko, hinding hindi ko sinasara ang pintuan ng aking puso, dahil alam kong darating din ang isang araw na may papasok dito, na kahit gaano pa kaluwang ang pintuan, ay hindi gugustuhin ng taong ito na umalis pa. Mananahan sya sa aking puso at mabubuhay doon habang buhay kasama ko. Darating iyon. Alam ko. At pagsapit ng takdang panahon, malugod ko syang sasalubungin at hahagkan. At sasabihing, matagal na matagal na kitang hinihintay. =)

good night. I love You Lord.

Nanung daptan Mu?

2011-08-30T23:02:00.005+08:00

Emu man kailangan sungkitan

Ding batuin mangislap king banua

Ing gawan mong kwintas, ecu iti adwanan

Dapot magdatun ca lele cu anggang ikata tumwa

Emu man kailangan idaun ing bulan

Ban ing bengi ku kekang suluan

Ing sulu, ecu man buring sarilinan

Dapot ing kayabe daca, sala yang alang capupusan

Emu man kailangan iyapag ing migit king bie

Idaun kaku ding dakal a bage-bage

Ampong pasayan king sobra sobrang luhu

Dapot ing "IKA" mu, migit ka pa king metung a gintu.

Emu man kailangan mamye pangaku

Ampong mangamanung mipnung yumu

Ban akit mu ku mung titiman pusu

Dapot istu na ing kumabie ku cayabe mu.

Mayumung paninap pu.

Mayumung paninap pu

SAYANG

2011-08-18T21:35:00.003+08:00

E me wari iquit itang batuin

Queng banua macabitin?

Eme wari abatyon itang bulan

Mamantabe queca queng caralumduman?

Eca wari mesigla queng aldo a masala

Uling iti queng masanting magpagaca?

Eme wari selubungan yng malambis a angin

Queng lub mamye capaldanan ampong santing.

Sayang..sayang uling emu icwang iquit

Yng lugud a tune queng riquit

Sayang..pepabren mu

Sayang at binili mu cu.

aug 18.

josh

2011-08-16T22:50:00.002+08:00

I want to shout and cry out loud! I am super sad. Oh God! Please help me.

Tita Paulette....

2011-08-16T00:24:00.000+08:00

Gazing the sky, this lovely night

Stars twinkle, the moon so bright

Though the dark sky obstructs my sight

I found you, sharing your light.

Seldom in evening, I found the way clear

For every walk, I discover fears

And yet I passed and found you there

Brought hope with your love and care.

We walk in life, you are beside me,

A new friend, a new family, an auntie.

In this complex and sophisticated journey

I know you’ll be my loving company.

You share a smile each passing day

You give hope in this blurry way

Strengthen me; you still want me to conquer

Make me courageous, I should never surrender.

That is how you want me to be

To fight and survive the heavy blue

You reminded me that dreams still come true

And soon will paint town with colorful hues.

In person, we still never meet

But then our stories become so deep

And yet we hope to give embraces

Just to see that we hold happy faces.

Virtual, it is called

Time will tell and unfold

That what we have are real like gold

So precious, so lovely...it won’t get old.

After our roads crossed, never will I meet you again

Never again, since that very day

For you are now kept in my heart

And I will be with you and we’ll never part.

May you find my heart’s sincerity

In every word I share is fidelity

That when I love, I’ll love for real

I’ll be your niece, in our heart, and that’s a deal.

I love you Tita Paulette!

2011-08-14T14:41:00.001+08:00

Madalas gusto ko na lang umiyak sa mga pagkakataong nararadaman at naalala ko na wala na sya sa buhay ko. Minsan yun na lang ang kaya kong magawa. Dahil alam kong nagawa ko na ang lahat. Minsan nakakalungkot..minsan nakakapanlumo..minsan nakakasira ng loob. pero madalas ganun lang talaga.

ACCEPTANCE

2011-08-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Acceptance... Acceptance will make things easy. I've known this from the very start. But no matter how you try to make things easy..you still feel the pain.. what you really needed is to tolerate the pain until it hurts no more. ...until it hurts no more... =(

A friend told me that I do not need to sob because of pain. and yet I should learn from the pains and failures in life. from there I can start and make things better.

I do not know how to go on with this blog article yet I do not find myself confined with one thought...I am shattered with different thoughts and emotions. I started writing about acceptance coz I simply want to reiterate it over and over to myself....when all i want to do is to refrain my self from crying..from hurting...

There still questions on "what went wrong" yet I haven't find concrete answers or should I say, I refuse to accept what is really wrong. Well maybe...but things should be uttered to make it clear...and free from doubts...

I know I also went wrong.. But I believe it always takes two to tango...I am not the sole responsible for this. I've given my sorry. I've done my part..but I think this is what I deserve. Or else, things aren't for me now...

Bottomline, at the end of the day, I just want to make myself free from pain and so with acceptance... I just want to love more...and hopefully to someone who can love me more. Because that someone can understand me,,my flaws, my imperfections, my childishness, my sensitiveness, my expressiveness...all my negatives.

I'll wait....

i love him still...yet i really need to let go... i love you hon...

Give thanks...

2011-08-11T23:43:00.004+08:00

Be thankful to all the things that come along your way...even the smallest..even the hardest..even the unacceptable... whatever it is, offer them to God. For God created them for a purpose...as we offer things, we have to acknowledge that God will truly intend us to be a better person for all the spices, bitterness and sweetness in life. In everything, we have to give thanks.

Paul and I

Thank you Lord for the trials in our relationship. despite things are still unclear...despite things are painful..I know Your will would be our destiny. Though the our road isn't smooth, I would like to thank You, Lord, that You've given me enough strength to stand over my decisions and principles..I thank You Lord that before things happened like this, You have made me trust you more. Thank you Lord that despite the hardship and pains, You have given me the happiness of being in-love.. Thank You for making me believe in Love again. Thank You for making me love Paul with all my heart and accept him... That despite these, I still love him and I know the love I have for him will both set us free to what You destined us to be. I know if he is the one You made for me, Your gracious way will lead him back to me. ...thank You.

my family

Thank You Lord, for giving me loving parents who showstheir love for me in their simple ways. I know they can't provide me with the luxury of material things in life, but they can give me the privilege to enjoy the luxury of having a loving parents. Thank You Lord for giving them as the greatest blessing I can ever receive from You... To You I bring back the glory by assuring You that I will be with them..supporting and loving them through thick and thin. Thank You Lord for the responsibility, I know You have a big trust with my capacity.

my college friends

kitchen superstars

Thank You Lord for
giving me wonderful friends, whom I know I can count on. Thank You for giving me true friends that makes me feel that I am loved by so many lovely people around me. Thank You also for those false and suspicious people who try to pull me down. Those who pretend to be my friends and yet at the end of the day, I realized I am betrayed. But thank You Lord for these people, they make me learn that I should not trust everyone but to give my trust mostly to You. Thank You to my friends in college, in UST, in school, and on the other organizations that I belong... Thank You also to other friends whom do not belong to any group by I know I've got them as my friends. Thank You Lord.

my friends in school

Thank You Lord for all the works and loads that i have to surpass in my profession. I know these tasks will make me a better person. Just this week You entrusted me with two new and big tasks to fulfill, to be the adviser of the Future Educators Society, our college student council, and to be the Chairman of the Extension Unit Services of our College. The former is hard for things here are very controversial yet I accepted this for I know I can make changes for the betterment of the organization...give me strength. The latter is a big task, for it entails passing the accreditation for our college. Give me more knowledge, strength and wisdom.

my UST classmates

Thank You Lord to all the problems that I surpassed, surpassing, and will surpass. Thank You for all will be the spices in this life. rest assured that i will savor them to the fullest. Thank You Lord for these will make me a better Josh. Thank You

Thank You for always making me realize that I am never alone with these people and most especially with You. Thank You Lord for everything. You know I do not need to tell you my wants, but I am assured that You will always give me what I need...and to that, I will always be thankful.

school friends!

oath taking

tita tess..thank you for supporting and loving me. i love you.

tita paulette thank you for always talking to me...for the words that comfort me..for the love.thank you. I love you

My Tita's

2011-08-08T23:41:00.003+08:00

Tita Tess

In this journey where I need someone to accompany and support me, i find these two lovely ladies to be my source of strength and inspiration to continue and to be hopeful of another day.

My Tita Tess and Tita Paulette are not my biological aunties, yet they are Paul's closest titas. It is comforting to talk to them coz I am like talking to Paul..I am talking to people close to Paul's heart that makes me be a little closer to Paul. But most of all, I find it very soothing because I found them very sweet, loving, caring and supportive. I am lucky to have known such lovely people.

I just wish that whatever happens between me and Paul, I wish to keep these two, for they become not only close to my heart, but they are in my heart already. I love Tita Tess and Tita Paulette. Though Paul and I is on a rocky road, I am still thankful to him that through him, I was given other people to love. It is very fulfilling to share yourself loving people around you...loving beautiful and lovely people. God is good, He did not only give me the happiness of having Paul, yet He also gave me another family. I still do not know where these journey will lead us, but again I hope and pray, I'll keep Tita Tess and Tita Paulette.

Tita Paulette

Tita Paulette and Tita Tess, thank you for everything. Thank you for being there esp during these tough days. Thank you for giving me hope and strength through your words. Thank you for being my comfort zone... Thank you for being God's angels for us. I wish that someday we'l see each other. I love you so much and will always do. Whatever happens, I'll always be here.

I love you! Please Tell Paul that I love him too. thank you so much.

2011-08-08T19:34:00.001+08:00

enanaku nanaman mipaindatun... mababagabag ne nanaman ing kakung pusu. pantunan dakang pasibayu. buri dakang kaulan matigic. buri kung sabyan na sana inglugud mu mibalic... pero nanung akarapat ku nung enaka bisang tumagun king awus ning kakung pusu na tutung magmalun.

kaluguran daka Paul. kaluguran a kaluguran...nung akakit mu man na maili ku at ekumatitinag, ala ngan katutwan. uling egana ganang ayli at timan, king asbuk mu mayayakit, subucan meng lawen ing kakung mata, karin akit mu na sobra la kalungkut...lawen me ing kakung pusu.kyak kyak ya. =(

amimiss ku ing balang aldong apapakaili mu ku
ding balang oras sa sasabyan mung kaluguran mu ku
amimiss ku din ding balang aldong akakawul daka
at asasabi ku king arap mu na kaluguran daka

amimiss ku lang akakit ding ayli king mata mu
potang kayabe at lalon muku.
amimiss ku na ing egana gana keka
uling ika ing magpasaya kanaku.

kaluguran da ka parin,sana apantun mu ing dalan pabalik kanaku. =(

Pasibayu mu Cung Caulan

2011-08-07T16:55:00.003+08:00

E wari ana canyaman

Yng lulugud at timan-timan?

E wari atyu yng capaldanan

Potang luluguran daca naman?

E wari na cayumung tanggapan

Potang yng bage bage pisasabyan?

E wari yta yng cailangan

Para yng pamiyabie mipnu yang sicanan.

E mucu wari dimdam yng cacung simbitlan?

Emu wari dimdam nung macananu dacang caluguran?

Emu wari pequilasan, yng yumu ning casuyuan?

Emu wari tinggap na yti queca ya iyampang?

Sara me yng mata mu

Maquiramdam ca queng pusu mu

Laco mu yng tacut

Queng pusu mu sasalicut

Cabang macapiac,

Queng pusu mu carin mu pantunan

Yng lugud at catutuan

Ning quecatang picasunduan.

Emu isipan yng capagsubucan a quecatang daralan

Dapot yng pengacu ta yang gawan mung sicanan

Ban eca tumacut na yng problema arapan

Uling e sulusyun yng bigla mucung gulutan.

Yng lugud nung tutu meng daralan

Gang nanu ya man yng capagsubucan

Enaca man agyung ibalag at siran

Maniwala camu at pasibayu mucung caulan.

Tomorrow I'll be fine

2011-08-02T20:10:00.000+08:00

If you can't find the smiles
And tears run over my eyes
Do not ask the reason why
Of these pains that make me cry.
My heart longs for you
and that makes me blue.

Tomorrow I'll be fine. I might have to make myself believe that it ended this way. I might have to give up. I might...and hopefully I can make this. It's hard really. To fall in love and repeatedly fall out of it and find out that no one is there to catch you. Its hard to fall inlove over and over again and break your heart repeatedly. It's hard but I never lose hope for fighting makes me the real soldier of this battle called life.

I might not have what I want but definitely God knows what is best for me...

I have to offer these pains again. Lord carry me with your loving arms...bring back the smiles which was taken by this pain. Lord, I love him but if he is not for me, then I have to trust You. Tonight, I give up. Tonight, I've to totally set free. I won't hope...

Thank You Lord for giving me a month of hope and love. Thank You for teaching me to love again. Thank you Lord for making me feel loved once more. Thank You Lord for giving me these pains for I know You still want to make me stronger... Thank You Lord for giving me these failures for I know You want me to enjoy success once I achieved it. Thank You Lord for my tears, they make my vision clearer. Thank You Lord for breaking my heart, I know You want me to be whole again. I know after these rainy days comes a rainbow that will bring colors into my life. Thank You Lord for entrusting me al these challenges...I believe You have a big trust in me.

para keka

2011-08-01T20:40:00.000+08:00

Emu balu nung makananu kasakit ing daramdaman kung ini. Eku antindyan bakit emu man buring pisabyan. Eku antindyan nung bakit emu ku buring arapan. Aku bang miki kasalanan? Palage mu kaburyan ku ini? Palage mu kaburyan kung manasakit?

Ana ku kasakit pakiramdam karening oras na emuku paksabyan...ot emunaku mu diretsuan.Ot emunamu tuldukan nung keka iting tatanggpan? Nung emu naku kaluguran, at emunaku agyung luguran pa, eku naman apagpilitan ing sarili ku keka... Buri ku mung abalu nanu ku talaga keka... Emu naku wari kaluguran? Nukarin naku wari king pusu mu?

sabyan mu naman kaku nung nanung panandaman mu...sabyan mu kaku makisabi kung mayap. kaluguran daka tandanan mu yan. at nung ekuman ikwang aparamdam keka, pasensya naka...pasensya naka nung king isip mu masyadu dakang pasakitan...pasensya naka nung palage mu dakal ku panintunan...ali mu sana lalon king makanitang paralan, uling ing buri ku mu naman ing maging matibe kata pamiyabe...itang ating kalidad kabang dadalan ing panaun.

kaluguran daka paul...kalwat kung penayan ing datang ka king bie ku...masaya ku uling kaht king ditak a panaun liguran daka at liguran muku...at asahan mung agyang nanu pang malyari, abe na ka king bie ku...sana mu dinan mung lugal king pusu mu ing apisabyan ta ini.

Hon Ko

2011-08-01T12:38:00.000+08:00

Hon Ko, balik ka na ulit sa akin..ang hirap hirap na,...ang sakit sakit na...T_T

I am so sad cause I have these fears that you may not come back again..

I love you..and will always do. May you find me worthy for your heart.

I Miss My Paul

2011-07-31T23:24:00.000+08:00

I miss him so much. If only I can embrace him again...=( I'm so sad.

I do not know how to end and start the day without him saying goodnight and good morning...And I miss that now.=( T_T

I know it was my choice yet, it doesn't mean I am not hurting..I am hurting a lot because what I did is not what I want...that maybe what we need. For us to know how we really value each other. I thought even though we just simply shared little moments together, shared little time yet, I thought, it would be easy..but for me to realize that it is not like what I expect. The past days, I sleep not because I am sleepy yet because I am tired crying...and it doesn't end there...even in my dreams I cry...and wake up in the morning crying too... The worst was during the first morning, I woke up because I was crying..I just do not know but I woke up simply because I've lots of tears in my eyes..that makes me ask my self if I ever stopped crying that night.Well, I can simply utter...well, I love this man..I love Paul.

But I do not hold the chance of making things work again. No matter how I want to make him back, I still need to wait for him if ever he finds my worth in his heart. And if in case, he wan't able to find me valuable, then I must accept that I made the right decision...But I want him to prove me wrong..I want him to tell me that I am wrong..that I am worthy to be hold, that I am worthy to be loved...that I am worthy to be with him... I do not demand..all I want is for me to realize that I am his girl..that I am his love...that I am worthy to be with him... All of these aren't demands..they are what I should have... Paul, please prove me wrong..

I love this man, but if I just do not want to tolerate what is wrong between us. There is something wrong...we have to admit...and we should work for it...and if we can't then, we can't go far. And if no one is willing to make things better, then we can't have the best from each other.

Never did I be so stiff, that i can't forgive.. Never did I was impatient because I was able to wait for so long long before he came. Never did I was able to sacrifice, because I was able to love unselfishly...Never did I become so selfish, because i was able to give my heart.

I wish he may find in his heart that I still love him.That I do not want to make things hard, but I simply want to make things right. I hope he will understand the way I think will make us strong if we can surpass it. I hope...I hope and I pray a lot. So much.

I am leaving my fate to God with my wholehearted faith. I am asking Lord to go between us always, that he may be our center so we can always find the right path towards each other...Lord, to you I ask and I know you'll give the best answer for me. Thank you.

I Do Not Know

2011-07-30T09:20:00.004+08:00

I do not know if I am taking the right step, yet I have to stand to things that I believe will soon make things fine. I do not know if what I did will really make things work, but I have no choice. I want to settle to things that commit to mutual understanding, to mutual sharing, when no one harms yet both benefit..and that will make things last...to what they call forever.. I do not intend to hurt or give up, yet I know giving up doesn't really tell you are weak, yet it simply shows that you are strong enough to decide on things even though it will hurt you much. I do not know cause I do not know where it will bring me.

To feel that you are worthy and worth fighting...that is what I want to feel...that is what everyone needs. And if it fails to feel yet one should let go..I love to love yet I do not want to sacrifice a life without receiving quality love...

Deep within my heart...I love Paul..but I have to set him free...

I seek for God's glory and guidance..I seek for His light. May he share light and strength to our hearts so we can see and follow His will.

The Way I Understand It.

2011-07-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

I often tell myself to be patient..to be accepting...to be kind...to be loving. I often want to be like these...I often want to make my ideas of love real. I often want to live the way I learned love. I often want to do these..cause I do believe that what you saw is what you'll reap. That, if you do it that way you'll reap sweet fruits. I want to give the man I love the feeling of love that cannot be compared to anyone. I always want to let them feel that I can love them more than anyone can do. But I can't do these if they won't let me.

In as much as I want to do lot of things, I can't insist. I do my part, but I do not insists what i want. For things are sweeter if they give/do it without any reservations or without any force. I am saddened that I haven't found the man who will make me feel that I do not need to insist myself. That they know what I want/ need even before I say it.I do not know, or maybe they just do not understand me.

Or am I too demanding? Do I demand too much when all I ask is a purposeful time? Do I demand too much when all I want to feel are things must work the way they should? Do I demand too much when all I want is to share the most important parts of my life with the one I love? Do I demand too much when I only want is for me to feel that I am not any other priority? Do I demand too much when all I ask is understanding? Do I demand too much when all of these shouldn't be even asked? When all of these should really be given even without asking? If ever I am, then what should be left for me?

Though love should be unconditional, love still work and bear fruits if it will be shared by two hearts bonded as one...where its beat synchronizes with each other... where every emotions shared should be fair...where love should never be asked yet be given...where it beats to give life...where both lovers receive love...

Love does not intend to change the way we live, yet it intends to voluntary change a little part of how we live because in love, you do not live on your own, you have to live to let your love one live with you... and that needs a little sacrifice.

My heart loves a man..and when I enter a relationship, I promise to do my best...to give my time..to share my time...to do more than anyone can do for the one I love...I want things to be extra ordinary...(for that man is the most special for me)...to share a part of my life...to let him feel that he is always in my heart in whatever I do...to let him feel that I love him...for love is something not just being uttered but something being shown.

My heart loves a man...and yet my heart longs for him...

Oh, God I ask for Your light for my way seems to be dark again. In everything, I know it is You who knows what I deserve and whom I deserve. . . Please lead me to his way.

A Lovely Evening of July 26

2011-07-27T16:25:00.003+08:00

To meet the friends of Paul is something that makes me happy. It is one of the things that I've been waiting. Isn't it lovely to meet the people loved by the one you love? Isn't it lovely to feel that you are someone being introduced to his couple of friends? yes it is. And that makes this night very lovely.

I enjoyed the company of his friends though i just want to be sensible first. I try to find out how they talk..how they communicate...but it is not a big problem for me since I am always flexible. I can mingle with different kind of people.

Michael, a friend of Paul, treated us at Ala Creme! Thanks Michael! You are so generous! I also met Maridel, Kelly and Jeff. Nice people! Nice friends! After our dinner, we had a coffee at Northwalk. A goodway to continue conversation out of the cozzy and fine place of Ala Creme.

I missed Paul a lot.and as usual, Just by simply being with Paul, it eases and reciprocates those waiting days. I seldom be with this man and yet each time i am with him, he always make me feel fine, special, and loved...in his very simple and unique way. Love is not so extravagant yet it only takes simplicity for a heart to feel its deepness.

I am looking forward for more chances of enjoying the company of Paul's friends.Thanks hon for this night. I will never forget this night. I love you hon!

A Dream Come True

2011-07-25T22:45:00.002+08:00

First month...a fresh start...

2011-07-25T18:30:00.006+08:00

First month...a fresh start...

God is so good that He blessed me with a love that promises nothing but simply love. God is so generous and kind that He entrusted me with a heart that keeps on loving despite of pains. God is so beautiful that He shares the beauty of life and the worth of living. God is so lovely that He gave me Paul...

In every relationship, there is a start. And in every start, there is adjustment. And in every adjustment, there are sacrifices. There is no successful relationship that starts perfectly. Everything needs to face challenges, everything needs to stumble blocks, everything needs to experience even the saddest and the most unwanted thing in life like pains, like tears, like lost, yet from these we learn the value of success....the value of giving...Thus from these, we learn love in its deepest sense.

I have loved and lost a lot of times and yet I never stop hoping and praying for a love that will love me unconditionally. I've known love and sometimes it saddened me that no matter how I purely offered it, I am left alone and stranded for so long. I had a lots of pains, and yet, I am thankful for another hope..for another love...for this one month that I have Paul.

I honestly do not know how to start. It is really hard to start over again. To work with broken pieces. But the mystery of love works as love will make you feel that you were never been broken...you were just prepared for the real score of life. That in the nearest end, you'll be strong enough to face more challenges. That these things happened because you need them for you to become a better person. Again, I repeat, it is hard to start over again. But I ask guidance from God to shower me with His wisdom and light; so I'll never be wrong again.

God knows when to give you a man whom you consistently ask for. He will give him to you once you stop asking, once you accepted his divine guidance and will., once you stopped asking. once you stop complaining. God knows when your heart is ready. God knows the right time. And all we need is to wait for Him...To acknowledge His gracious hands.

I would like to thank God for this month that I have embraced love once more...though everything is whole new thing....Everything is something I never had before. Everything needs adjustment..Yet I accept this everything. For love asks nothing but only love...a love that is willing...a love that is self-sacrificing...a love that is real. Yes love needs to be reciprocated though it never asks.

Thank you Lord for giving me John Paul, though things might not be clear yet I trust you. As always, I promise you that i will share a love the way You taught me how to love. I promise to be sincere, patient, and giving, for that is what You are to me.

And to Paul, would like to thank you for loving me and showing your love in very simple way. Thank you for making my days light. Thank you for putting the colors of the rainbow into my life. Thank you for simply being there..Thank you for loving me. Thank you for coming into my life. I pray more for the two of us. I never expect yet, I have faith.

CHAPTER 3: THE MORNING SUN

2011-07-25T17:55:00.002+08:00

CHAPTER 3: THE MORNING SUN

A Sequel of the Twilight and the Raining Before the Break of Dawn

By: Josephine Luz de Leon

The magnificent glowing rays of the sunset makes the morning birds sweetly chirp and the flowers dance seemingly like they’ve longed to feel the warmth. The wet soil starts to dry as it was moistened by the evening rain. The wind was so delicate and soothing and that brings inspiration for the whole day’s tasks. It is a sweet promising morning.

During the twilight, she excitedly sat and waited for the growing sunrays. As the light became clearer, her vision followed. The stiffness brought by the cold raid and breeze was gradually coated by the warm sun. And now, the long wait is over.

She found herself giggling as she remembers the dream she had when she was sleeping. She slept when the night was old. She was tired then. And the exhausting night made her deeply asleep. She remembers that someone peeped in her dream brought her home and kiss her goodnight. She knows her subconscious body smiled. And when she woke up on that twilight, she felt the excitement for the morning sun. …and that is because of the man who existed in that dream.

She walks freely and graciously over the garden and observes the beauty of the flowers, enjoys the songs of the chirping birds, and feels the comforting touch of the wind. Everything is relaxing. Everything gives a good aura…almost everything. She’s been waiting for this! She does not know how long she had waited. This morning wraps her with a glowing hope.

This certainly marks a new day and so a new journey. Though the fear that traumatized her during the evening is still there, she remains fighting and hoping to overcome it. She needs to move on. All the reasons are in her hands now. All she needs to do is smile, walk and continue. And that what she does.

One hour after her walk. Her dream comes true. Comes a man who touches her heart and washes away her fears. Comes a man whom she finds as an answer to her prayer…He is a heaven’s sent.

As they converse, the man said,

“When can I say, you and I?” Simple yet it touches her heart to find a man who wants her to call “mine.”

She seeks and rushes over her heart. And she said,

“Despite my fears, I welcome you,
For love is found within my heart;
And I promise to continue loving you.”

Your sweetness causes my smiles and laughter;
Your words, I carry, I won’t get lost;
Your love is a gem that I treasure most.

This early morning, they hold hand. Walk together and hopes for a joyful day…a forever in a day.

Deep within her heart, she whispered,

Now that you truly came into my life;
I still have a prayer, I solemnly ask,
To be with you, forever and a day;
And turning back won’t find its way.

The man kisses her lips and claims a promise,

“I will never leave you and I promise I will love you till the end of time.”

It is indeed a sweet morning full of promise...a brand new journey that requires courage to face another trials and circumstances that may come within the day. And yet she decided to commit again…with full love and sincerity.

She remains fearful to face the noontime and the coming of the afternoon. But then, only faithful and true love can also calms her heart. In time, all the fears will cease and only trust will remain…in time… and hopefully she will find all the strength before the noontime. The Noontime sun brings too much heat and sometimes burn even the toughest. She hopes to be prepared…with the man she loves. She prays to be with this man in all her undertaking…in all her successes and failures. In everything, she prays to have a companion, a partner, a love, no matter what time of the day…no matter how easy or tough are the challenges. No matter what… no matter where…no matter when.

This very morning, let her enjoy the morning. Savor its happiness, glory and blessings with her man. Let her love…for her love is true...for her love is pure… for her love commits eternity…for her love knows what love really is.

July 12, 2011

7;44 PM

with my babies!

2011-07-20T15:53:00.002+08:00

2011-06-19T21:13:00.003+08:00

How will I thank you for what you've given me

Your time, your love, your sincerity

Your funny jokes, your sweet smile

Makes me forget who I am for a while

For everything you do, I feel special

"Thank you," won't suffice it though

Maybe it's time for the world to know

In my heart, a love had started to grow

So hon, I come and say;

"I love you" in my simple yet special way...

Patune ning Cacung Lugud

2011-06-05T22:25:00.002+08:00

Patune ning Cacung Lugud

June 5, 2011

By Josephine Luz de Leon

Yng lugud nung tutu meng sucdan

Miras ca queng alang cayaryan

Uling capilan man ali me aquit

Dapot damdaman me ing queyang riquit.

Queng pamicalugud, dapat mung tandanan

Dacal pagsubuc yng quecang dalanan

Misan anggang pacatalan me yng tali

Queng saquit, Queca meng atatabili.

Queng lugud, dapot tuneng masaquit

Yng calayan emu lubus pagcait

Uling misan ali yng pamanalan yng sucatan

Nune yng pamagsacrispisyu queng sariling casayan.

Nung tune yng quecang daraun a lugud

Ibie mu anggang pangisnawa mu mapaclud

Uling misan cailangan mung mate

Para yng caluguran mu yang cumabie.

Eca migaganaca nung acu angga ngeni matamle

Ecu buring sabyan na e taus yng cacung dinaque

Ala ca queng siping cu caya cu mu matamle

Emu alaco ita uling caluguran daca pa ring tune.

Ngeni iquit mu na yng amanwan cung lugud?

Yng binye cung pusu queca mu cabud

Nya anggang camate cu, pebren dacang bucud

Ecu agyung mitangis ca ampong misusubsub.

Bista man cacung quemate, yng quecatang pamiwale

Pasibayu cung cumabye,potang acaquit dacang masalese

Pangadi cu yng sucdul cang magtagumpe

Canita apatunayan cung matulid at istu yng cacung binye.

AKO NA LANG!

2011-05-15T23:01:00.001+08:00

High School Batch Reunion 2003

2011-04-17T21:11:00.001+08:00

IKAW NA, MAHAL NA KITA

2011-04-03T12:26:00.001+08:00

Kung sa pagmahahal ay may basehan

At kung iyon ay ang laman ng isipan

Hindi na ako maguguluhan pa

Ikaw na, mahal na nga kita

Kung sa pagmamahal ay may sukatan

At kung iyon ay ang walang hanggan

Hindi na ako magtatanong pa

Ikaw na, mahal na nga kita.

Kung sa pagmamahal ay may batayan

At kung iyon ay ang nararamdaman

Hindi na ako mag-aalinlangan pa

Ikaw na, mahal na nga kita.

Kung sa pagmamahal ay walang dahilan

At kung iyon ay sadya lamang mananahan

Hindi na ako maghahanap pa

Ikaw na, mahal na nga kita

Kung ang pagmamahal ay walang pinipili

At kung iyon ay ang taong mananatili

Hindi na ako hihiling pa

Ikaw na, mahal na nga kita.

Kung pagmamahal nga ang maging masaya

Sa twing ako'y iyong naaalala

Wala na ngang hihigit pa

Ikaw na, mahal na kita.

Kung pagmamahal na itong sadya

At kung ito ay ang itinadhana

Ako'y iyo na, aking sinta

Ikaw na, mahal na kita.

-josh

April 3, 2011

Commencement exercises... with Sen Migs Zubiri=)

2011-04-01T00:58:00.001+08:00

2011-03-30T14:49:00.000+08:00

Graduation... Seems so fulfiling to see people harvesting their years of labor for formal education. Yesterday, I attended the graduation rites of our students. I saw the overflowing joys in their faces. I saw the pride and honor that their parents had. I saw the heart warming scenario as our students handed their diplomas and congratulated them at that very stage. I know that moment will be marked in their hearts forever.

I was in their same shoes one(1) year ago, 4 years ago, 8 years ago, 12 years ago, 18 years ago... I have attened 5 graduations in my life. Last year was the most fulfilling...graduating Cumlaude for my Masterate degree.It was something I will forever treasure for never in my wildest thought that will happen in my life....to enter and be a graduate of a prestigous university, The Royal and Pontifical University of santo Tomas. It was just a dream that came into reality. It is a gift that i will forever carry. It is an inspiration.

My college graduation was the most heart warming...same day today, 4 years ago...It was a product of trillions of hardwork, of sacrifices, of patience, of determination, of dreams, of inspirations, of happiness,0f trust, of love, and of faith. It is a fruit of an ambition that rooted from a simple goal...to graduate and to land a job with a promise that after that, I will not let my mother work as a helper, do laundry for others, and other slavery works that cut my heart whenever I see her do these for us. It is also a dream come true for at first taking college program was still unattainable. At that very graduation day, I felt the very joy and success for I know what I achieved was not for me alone... but for my family. The good Lord gave me a bonus to still finished my baccalauriat program "with distinction." I was thankful and gratified! (modesty aside for the awards mention). I am a proud alumna of the oldest vocational school in the Far East, The Don Honorio Ventura Technological State University, because in this institution of excellence, I have fulfilled lots of goals and have made me strive more...

Yesterday, again, I know how the remarkable event lit the flame in the hearts of these graduates, just like what it did to me. I honor DHVTSU for making things possible for less fortunate but deserving and talented students of Pampanga. Congratulations to all the graduates for making it. I wore the same shoes while you are striving the hardships. I now how it feels. Congratulations to all the mentors (my entors also) who have made these dreams reachable..and still attainable. No matter what happened, no one can ever steal the knowledge and wisdom you laid upon us. To the administrations...and the DHVTSU as a whole, for keeping your dedication to provide the highest quality of education we can achieve over the other institutions in the province. Congratulations for the 150th years of continuous grace of quality education!

-josh

March 30, 2011

Commencement exercises...=)

2011-03-30T13:31:00.001+08:00

Me, Myself, and I

2011-03-30T13:29:00.001+08:00

Kulotski!

2011-03-28T21:17:00.000+08:00

Untitled

2011-03-27T19:00:00.001+08:00

As I write, I do not know what would be the best word that will describe what I feel. I am not happy yet I am neither sad. I just feel this blunt emotion and I do not know what to do. But my mind says, the best thing that I can do is do nothing. Let things work naturally. I should be hibernating to so much things for I have done a lot. I should be in silence for I have created a lot of noise. I should be at home for I have been into many places. I should rest for a while.

I listened to songs and yet I can't find any to suit my harmony.Maybe I am just too saturated to have one for me. I already wrote a lot and yet I can't find the most appropriate verse to express exactly what I feel. I do not even know if writing this will really make me feel at least ok, if not fine.

I've so much problems right now that cause me to feel such things. I do not want to be sad for I know God is with me as I come into these struggles. I've no work right now. Literally, I am unemployed. I am told to be a professional and yet where am I now? I always suffer unemployment every semestral break, Christmas break and summer break. well, some say that is the time for me to rest. I know i should, but when I look back and look at the these people who depends on me, I cannot control myself but to find it hard. My family, my lola and tita depends on me. You know what is hard at this point? I just can't find myself seating beside them because I am ashame that i cant give them what they need or I am just to afraid to hear all the things that we need and I know I can't provide them. You know what is harder? It is harder when these people ask something from you and you can't hand them any. And you know what is the hardest? It is when you hear them saying insensitive words telling me that I am nothing. Well, this is what I got after all.

Some say, I have to wait for some time for my time will come. I have to give more patience. There's no problem with me, it is just that how long will I wait for me to give my family a comfortable life? How long will I spend restless days just to provide them at least what we need.

I pray that God will light my way and show me the right path. I am almost losing hope and losing my vision for what I really want to do. I want to stay with my work, or rather find others. I want to stay here in the country because I want to stay with my family. I also want to consider going outside, for me to find a better opportunity. I just want to know what to do. I want to find myself.

Going on the other side. I am tired...of meeting people. ..of knowing them and hope that maybe one of them will be the answer to my prayer. I am interested to know some but most of the time I ended nothing bringing with me the broken hope. Now, people come again. I am really afraid to what it might cause. I want to try but at the end of the day, I am reminded of how people betrayed my trust and how they trashed my hope easily. I am really afraid. I just wish one day, they will really find time to know me first. They will see and find me worth fighting, worth achieving and worth treasuring. I hope they will see that I am a no stronger person so they will find ways to take good care of me. You know why? Because I am almost tired taking good care of other people while nothing is left for me. I am almost tired taking good care of my self. I am tired when all I wanted is to love and be loved.

A Sweet March 22

2011-03-25T23:05:00.002+08:00

March 22, a sweet day for me. It's a sweet day meeting my long lost friend. He is a friend since my first year high school and that was 11 years ago! I am just happy to be with him now! Thanks to my student who took this picture during the DHVTSU summer break concert. He is Gepoy by the way, my ultimate Master in Taekwondo and Tang Soo Do...=) Till next time! yyyhhhh! vibrate!

My Sweet 24!

2011-03-20T20:44:00.007+08:00

Birthday celebration equates to Thanks Giving celebration.a time that reminds us that we should always be thankful to God for giving us the blessings of happiness, hardwork, trials, challenges, love, and life each passing years. Thanking Him for He never left us when everyone turned their back to us. Thanking Him for the thought that he will remain with us in the coming years...

My 24th birthday is a thanksgiving celebration for all the trials I had surpassed, for all the achievements and success I had, and for the strength, faith and love that remain in me for the twenty four years of my life. This also reminds me I have to be confident that my following years will still be meaningful for I have God, my family, my relatives, and my friends all through out my journey! Thank you!

KK Talents, thank you for being with me this year. Thank you for celebrating with me. And also celebrating our anniversary which falls on the same day. (My 18th bday grouped us together). Arlene and John, though you are not here, you were felt during our skype talked. The group misses you! uwi na kayo! Verge, though you are not here, we still felt your presence through your call...(basta pasalubong namin!)

Everyone who came and made this special day more special, thank you!I love you guys!

josh

2011-03-13T07:53:00.000+08:00

There's nothing more I can do But to love and keep loving you For love inscribed in my heart Will always be here, no matter what. If today isn't ours Then I'll wait 'till forever comes And perhaps that time we'll hold hands Never will part ways...for an endless time.

ENDLESS

2011-03-07T23:26:00.002+08:00

There's nothing more I can do

But to love and keep loving you

For love inscribed in my heart

Will always be here, no matter what.

If today isn't ours

Then I'll wait 'till forever comes

And perhaps that time we'll hold hands

Never will part ways...for an endless time.

-josh

Halt

2011-03-03T23:53:00.003+08:00

A gaze to the star in the calm sky

Made me think of the last time I cried

Got surprised I found a tear

A drop originated from fear.

A bit of happiness, I thought I have

But then again, I don't want to save

A bit of hope, I have enjoyed

In my heart you have employed.

A potential knife my heart might gain

From ignoring the so called pain.

But then again, I don't want to pretend

That this would soon halt to end.

by josh

Mar 3, 2011

11:53 PM

March...

2011-03-02T22:53:00.002+08:00

March... it's my month... I'll be turning 24 this 19. And until now I do not know what to do, in this month, in my bday, and the following days....Still I bid prayers for I need strength. So help me God.

2011-03-01T22:17:00.002+08:00

Patuloy ang pag-agos ng ilog at pag-ihip ng hangin.
Kasabay nito ang patuloy kong pagmamasid.
Patuloy ang pagpapalitan ng araw at buwan
Ngunit ako'y patuloy na napag-iiwanan.

Dama ko kung paano bumuhos ang ulan
At pagbagsak nito sa kapatagan
Dama ko ang lamig ng hangin
At pagyakap nito sa akin

Nakasanayan ko na ang pumasyal mag-isa
At tahimik na nagpaparaya
Damhin ang hiwaga ng Kanyang likha
At mayakap ang tunay na tadhana

Ako'y nagpagalagala hindi upang mawala
Kundi aking matagpuan ang itinakda
Ako'y umasa at hindi nagsawa
Dahil alam kong ako'y pinagpala.

Sa may tabing-ilog, ako'y may mga nakilala
Mga taong sadyang nagpakilala
Ngunit tulad lang sila ng tubig sa ilog
Kasama silang tinanggay at inanod.

Patuloy man ang pagdating at paglisan
Ng mga taong aking pinagkatiwalaan
Alam kong hindi iyon ang basehan
Na hindi ko sila minahal at inalagaan.

Alam kong tulad ng mga likha sa kalikasan
May dahilan ang bawat kaganapan
At sisikapin kong maintindihan
Ang masalimuot na katotohanan.

Saan man, kailan man
Panahon lang ang kayang magpatunay
Ako'y mananatili at maghihintay
Hanggang dumating ang sa aki'y laan.

josh=)
Feb 22, 2011
10:08 PM

SHIFT

2011-03-01T22:14:00.001+08:00

In the midst of the journey
A dream becomes reality
From the gloomy dawn
To a shifting elating rise.
From the weakened chirping of birds
To the lovely serenade of the wind
From a life of withered and folded
To an ecstatic promise to hold.
From the lonely evening
To an enchanting morning.
From a lady's blurd hue
To an endless life with you.

josh
12:27 AM
Feb 24, 2010

EDSA Revolution; A Filipino Fight Towards the Rebirth of Democracy.

2011-03-01T22:11:00.005+08:00

A Tribute to EDSA's Silver Anniversary

by: Josephine Luz de Leon

No country is perfect in all facets. Everyone struggles to develop its economy,adminsitration, policies,resources,culture and people. And yet in every fight entitled great sacrifices enclosed with enourmous challenges.

Twenty five years ago, the Filipinos had a memorable and history changing fight against dictatorship. Who would not know this event? Who would not know EDSA Revolution? I am just 24 (soon), a year younger to this historical episode, but I've heard and learned about it since then. Filipinos became the mouth of other nations when it comes to democracy. Filipinos became famous when it comes to unity. EDSA Revolution was said to be the a battle of unified faith from people who were thirsty from freedom and who were slaved by the injustices of the Marcos administration. The revolution testified that people

when united can make a magnanimous change not only in the administration but also in the lives of every one. It also emphasized that Filipinos cared for their fellows.

I may not know every details of the EDSA Revolution but I have learned how people tied their hands and fought for freedom. I have heard from people who experienced and actively joined the battle for freedom. And that would be enough for me to say, that Filipinos know what they were fighting for, and for me to realize that Filipinos can achieve a great change if only everyone will hold hands and push each others up rather than being a crab.

Recently, Filipinos had celebrated the 25th year of EDSA Revolution to commemorate what our fellowmen carved in history. It is worthy to celebrate this for it had made a huge turn in our lives. But may I ask? What is the value of this celebration if Filipinos forget the essence of why this event happened? What would be its meaning if it will just remain in our minds for history tells us this, rather than instilling it in our hearts? What would be the future for everyone when the unity failed to bind us again now? Look at Filipinos today? Look at the people who make us believe of their innocence? Look at those people who handled our beloved country...Look at them...from the time of what we call change to the time of what we call today.What do you see? Aren't they the same crocodiles who preyed our trust? Aren't they the same malignant cells that cause the cancer of the society? Arent'y they?Look at now your neightbors, your home...your self? Are you one of those whose head remains high for doing goodness and guiltless service for fellows? or are you just like the same cause why our country do not progress?

Think... what have you done? what do you do? And what can you do? For if you have find your answer you will realize if you are a part of the solution or you are one of the problems. It is always worthy to commemorate a historical event that changed our society but it would be worthier if we come to realize the essence of its celebration.

Josh=)

Feb 27, 2010

9:08 PM

Education Students and Teachers' Night Photo Feb 9-10

2011-02-08T21:35:00.003+08:00

Kiss of Death

2011-02-01T22:35:00.002+08:00

Stabbed by murderer's knife

Deeply cut and hurt

Blood scattered

An evidence of a crime

The victim is still alive

Yet about to die

The target was greatly harmed

And yet again this is the nth times

The kiss of death

Always haunts

Afraid

Terrified

Almost desired for death

Than to be killed

All over again.

Feb 1, 2011

10:53PM

=( ...

PARA SA LAHAT

2010-12-30T00:24:00.002+08:00

Nalalapit na ang araw na kailangan ng magpaalam sa taong dalawang libo't sampu, isang mahirap, mapagparaya, makabuluhan, at mabiyayang taon. Tulad ng nakagawian, nararapat lamang na bigyang kapasalamatan lahat ng taong naging bahagi ng aking 2010.

para sa lahat ng KAIBIGAN sa walang sawang pagsuporta sa salita man o sa gawa...malaking bagay ang magkaroon ng karamay sa lahat ng panahon at pagkakataon...Nawa'y manatili kayo at wag magbabago. Sa lahat ng inalalayan ako noong panahon na kailangang kailangan ko ng makakasama, makakausap, at makakaintindi...sana'y hindi kayo magsawa na ako'y pakinggan, kausapin, at intindihin...

para sa lahat ng KASAMAHAN SA TRABAHO

sa pagiging kaibigan at katuwang... sa mga natutuhan...sa pagiging gabay..sana'y magkaroon pa tayo ng magandang samahan at pagkakaunawaan. Manaig sana sa atin ang misyon ng maipamahagi ang ating kaalaman an nawa'y patuloy na magtulakan pataas at wala sanang hihila ng pababa

para sa lahat ng mga STUDYANTE ko

sa pinagsamahan, sa mga kakulitan, sa kagustuhang may matutunan,sa respeto at pagkilala, sa pagiging katuwang sa proseso ng pagkatuto...sana'y ipagpatuloy ang kagustuhang matuto at makatulong sa inyong pamilya.Sana'y manatili ang dedikasyon upang makamit lahat ng pangarap sa buhay...at sa lahat ng nahihirapan upang ito ay maisakatuparan, isipin ninyong lahat ng pagsubok ay makakayanan sa tulong ng Diyos na Maylalang.

Para sa mga ROTARACT of Villa de Bacolor,
sa mga masasayang pagsasama, sa pakiki-isa, sa pagbibigay sa akin ng dahilan upang kayo'y ipagmalaki, sa pagtulong sa akin, sa pagiging magkaibigan..sana'y makagawa pa tayo ng makabuluhang proyekto na kayo mismo ang magkukusang magorganisa at magpulong pulong, sana'y magkaroon ng initiatibo sa bawat isa. nawa'y sa ating paglalayag ay maging magaan ang dalahin at walang magiging pabigat..ako nama'y lubos na naniniwala sa inyong kakayahan.

para sa mga Kasamahan sa ROTARY CLUB OF VILLA DE BACOLOR,
sa pagtitiwala at pagpaparamdam sa akin na ako'y may malaking tulong sa organisasyon, ako ma'y hindi pa tulad ninyo na mataas na ang naabot, mananatili kayong inspirasyon hindi lang sa akin at sa mga kasamahan, ngunit pati na rin sa mga taong ating natutulungan. Nawa'y maging matagumpay tayo sa ating mithiin.

para sa mga KAMAG-ARAL AT KAIBIGAN sa USTGS
sa pagiging kaibigan at karamay noong tayo pa ay nagaaral at maging pagkatapos nito...sa patuloy na pagmamahal sa samahan...sa pagpaparamdam sa akin na kaya ko! nawa'y manatili kayong nandyan at hindi kumupas ang pagkakaibigang nabuo ng dahil sa ating pagpupursige na maging dalubhasa

para sa aking mga PINSAN AT KAMAG-ANAK
sa magandang samahan natin ngayong taon..sa simpleng pagtulong, sa pagiging kaibigan at sa pang unawa...sa pagmamahal... sana'y hindi ito masira ng kahit anong pagsubok sa ating pamilya at magkaroon pa tayo ng masasayang samahan.

para kay PAPA AT MAMA,
sa lahat ng pagmamahal at pag-aalaga, sa pag-iintindi na hindi madali ang aking pinagdaraanan, sa pagiging nandyan, sana'y magkaroon pa tayo ng maraming taon na magkakasama, taon ng pagmamahalan at pagdadamayan, sana'y inyong maramdaman na lahat ng sakripisyo at pagpapakasakit ko ay para sa inyo..dahil higit kanino man, mahal na mahal ko kayo..at habang buhay na panata na hinding hindi ko kayo pababayaan.

para sa mga taong dumating at umalis
sa pagbibigay kulay sa taong ito..sa pagpapasaya at pagpapaiyak, pagbibigay at pagdadamot, sana'y inyong naramdaman na buong puso ko kayong tinanggap at minahal sa aking buhay at sana'y inyong maramdaman na ang pagpapalaya ko ay hindi nangangahulugang hindi kayo mahalaga..kundi pagbibigay lamang ng daan sa inyong kaligayahn.

para sa lahat ng nakasama, nakadate, nakafacebook, nakawentuhan, nakabunguan, nakatext, nakaemail, nakachat, nakilala.. sa pagbibigay ninyo ng iba't ibang ngiti,saya, lungkot, inis, at kung ano ano pa...sana'y naging masaya kayo habang ako'y kasama at kakwentuhan nyo.At sana'y naging bahagi din ako ng buhay ninyo.

para sa mga kapamilya, kapuso, kasyete ka dos, kasingko, sa itinakda at gabay...
maraming salamat sa isang makabuluhang 2010 na nagdaan...marapat lang nating salubungin ang susunod na taon ng may ngiti, pagpapasalamat, pagmamamahal at pag-asa kasama ang pananalig sa Diyos.

Isang MAPAGPALANG BAGONG TAON.

My Family

2010-12-26T21:30:00.001+08:00

Christmas Day out with family

2010-12-26T21:16:00.002+08:00

December 26- My family is my treasure. My sacrifices are always dedicated to them for all I wanted is to make them happy and be proud of their unica! Thank you God for the blessing! Thank you for keeping us together this Christmas.

2010-12-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

para sa lahat ng kaibigan,ngmahal at ngmamahal,ngmalasakitat nagmamalasakit, umunawa at umuunawa,s lahat ng naging gabay at itinakda,sa lahat ng nng-iwan at nananatiling nandyan,s lahat ng buong pusong nag-alay ng panahon,at sinserong pagkakaibigan,s lahat ng nasaktan,s mga nagpatawad,s lahat na patuloy paring sumusupo...rta,s lahat lahat,mraming salamat.Isang mapagpalang Araw ng Kapanganakan ni Kristong Talapagligtas.

My Merry Little Christmas

2010-12-22T22:28:00.001+08:00

As Christmas day draws nearer,I come to reflect and enumerate all the things that happened in my whole year..good and bad, happy and sad, lovely and painful. I found myself listing a lot. And these made me realize that I've to thank a lot. Either of which, contributes to who I am now...to what I become... and who I'll be.

If I've to reminisce all the things that happened in my whole year, mostly I'll see myself crying and lonely..the history has been told and I wouldn't want it in detailed. but definitely this year, I shed so much tears. On the brighter side, I can also enumerate a lot of blessings, from finishing my Masterate with flying colors to having been employed in my Alma MAter, from having higher salary to a booming little business, from strengthening my relationships with older friends to meeting new friends. This is my bittersweet 2010.

It's a time of joy, sharing, and thanks giving.It's a high time for love and thoughtfulness..also a time to forgive and forget...I've given and shared myself so much of what I thought I can give. I tried to be a blessing to people whom I love and to those around me... I tried to make people happy...I sacrificed a lot...but then, I do not regret every piece of me that I shared to people, besides, I thank God for making me as His instrument.

I gave love, I was given. I remained faithful, yet I was broken. But this never stop me to love and remain loving. I never close possibilities. I entertain chances. But this year, I've to gather all the lessons I have to learn. I've to protect myself from hurting. I should have done these from the start but I believe I just gave myself a chance to enjoy what real love is. I've learned that I know what love is, and I've known how to truly love, but with this, I've also learned how to be hurt. And it is really hard. It almost made me die. But God is still wonderful for He showed me another reason to live. I know after all what I happened. I should have to rest my heart... I won't insist for me to be loved. besides from the very beginning, I never insist, I just do my part for me to show what I mean when I say "I love." If people can't love me for who I am, then they do not have a place in my life. I've to set free...and forgive..

"God is really wonderful for giving all trials for He made me more faithful to Him. He made me stronger than I thought I am. He made me stiff without being rude. He made me sweeter despite of bitterness. He made me whole though broken. He made me more appreciative of little things. He made me more than an achiever despite of all that I had. Thus, he made me a better person...a better Josh."

DHVTSU Christmas Party

2010-12-19T14:44:00.004+08:00

DHVTSU Christmas PArty December 17, 2010 University Quadrangle Faculty of the College of Education With Ma'am Dyna and Ma'am Vicky With my wowa!

Gigster 2010

2010-12-19T14:37:00.003+08:00

December 16-17, 2010 @Gigster, City of San Fernando, Pampanga Prince Technologies Acquaintance Party

...

2010-12-15T20:50:00.000+08:00

Bakit sa tuwing malapit ka na, lahat ng lakas na inipon ko ay parang bulang naglalaho? Lahat ng pagmamahal ay paulit ulit na bumabalik na tila ba anino na hindi ako maiwanan? Sa totoo ay ayokong iwan ka, kalimutan ka, at baliwalain ka...dahil habang ginagawa ko iyon, hindi naman ikaw ang nasasaktan..kundi ako.Pero hindi ko lang ding mawari kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Ilang beses na...ako ay nagapaalam..dahil umaasang ako ay yayakapin mo at hindi hahayaang mawala..ngunit hindi iyon ang nangyayari. Hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakitpatuloy at paulit ulit akong bumabalik. Maaring hindi kayang diktahan ng isipan ang nararamdaman o sadyang hindi lang kita kayang kalimutan. Alam kong tunay at wagas ang aking alay dahil hanggang ngayon ako ay nagmamahal kahit nasasaktan. Sana lang mabilis ng lumipas ang panahon hanggang aking matagpuan ang tunay na kasagutan at ang sadyang itinakda.At sa oras na ako ay umabot doon, sadyang babalik sa normal ang takbo ng lahat.

open field

2010-11-26T17:10:00.000+08:00

It was a cloudy day that time. The sun was there but it doesn't hurt my skin so much. I can feel its rays but the cauliflower-like clouds compliment the atmosphere. It was near to sunset time. I was sitting in a bench looking over a field. The field was wide enough to accommodate two or three teams to play football. But that day, there was only one team playing. I do not intentionally want to be there, but it was a sudden feeling that pulled me on that place. I was tired with the day's activities. I found it relaxing to take a rest for a while and have a little conversation to myself. And it went good.

Suddenly, memories flashed back.Memories from my younger years made me smile. Reminiscing the funny and crazy things that I've done during my childhood. Like playing street soccer, where I got little injuries and wounds, mainly the cause of the scars I have on my knees. I laughed when I recalled how I stole candies in our mini store and gave it to my friends, just to win them...(silly!too generous yet pathetic!) I also remembered the days when I used to climb trees with my cousins and get as many aratilis (im not sure of the spelling)as I can.

Funny, I recalled my first and only puppy love...=) Puppy love that lasted for more than a year....see.. hahah! I do not know but I may owe him for being the first cause why I write several poems. Then came a very long teenage crush. Just a crush that lasted for my whole highschool life...lol! "Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you..! " (giggle!) But that was just merely a lesson that thought me how to love with sincerity and loyalty. Well, I do not know if I should thank that experience, or if I should wish to have another. well, since I can't turn back the hands of time, I should have embrace all the lessons.

It was exactly sunset when I was reminiscing the recent things that happened in my life. I tried to look at my heart and saw many scars and some still wounds that need to be healed. Well, it made me sad for a while reminiscing the heart breaks and misfortunes but I tried to collect all the beautiful blessings that I received. I should be happy for surpassing all the trials that I had during my poorest years...It was really a struggle to finish college but all sacrifices paid off. Many would wish to achieve success but come to think of it..what is really success? For me, I believe that to achieve and receive simple blessings is already success. I do not need to be monetary well off just to be considered as such though everyone aims to have something more than the average. But well, I have to content myself once in a whiile of the things that I have to better enjoy life. It is right to aspire for more but that would be better considered as motivations but not life itself.

It was evening when I decided to go home to rest. I made another glance of the field and I just realized that the football players were already finished playing. There were only few people around the area. Just right before I leave, i imagined myself being fetched by someone special...to bring me home. But then, it was just a pure imagination. I do have rich imagination but isn't it, it is nice to live in mysteries and fantasies every once in a while? It is fine by the way, for as long it is seldom. Since that was a fantasy, I went home alone but I remain composed, determined, and faithful.

The open field remains open for people to come and go, play with it and leave as if nothing happened. But i admire the open field, that no matter how many times it was left alone, it still welcomes those who want to enjoy it.

cool down lang

Nov. 26,2010

Uran

2010-11-10T17:11:00.000+08:00

Malakas...

Malakas kong naririnig ang iyak ng langit.

Tila ba ito puno ng pait.

Ngunit naiintindihan kong

Nararapat lamang itong ibagsak

Upang mabawasan ang nararamdaman.

Ulan..umuulan nanaman..

Bagyo? wala naman.

Minsan natural lang na kaganapan

Ang biglang pagbasak

Ng hindi inaasahan.

Mahirap kung hindi ka handa.

Umalis sa bahay ng walang dalang panangga

Sa anumang kalamidad at panahon

Sadyang kailangan lang tanggapin ang hamon.

Kung ang bawat patak ng ulan

Ay kayang hugasan

Ang masukal na dalahin

Ng damdaming nasaktan,

Ngayon din ako'y gigitna at maliligo sa ulan.

Ngunit alam kong hindi to ang paraan,

Upang ako'y makipagsapalaran.

Nov 10, 2010

8:54 PM

PASSION

2010-10-30T05:47:00.001+08:00

Sweet lovely kiss stuck in my lips

An expression of love, an enchanting mist.

Owned and hold and loved and fold

Never to escape, never to fade.

Bold and warm embraces fills my body

Caress the heart,wholly and passionately.

A promise of security and fidelity

Defines greatness and certainty.

Gentle hands hold mine

Guide to a path of endless rhyme

Of trust and loyalty

Towards the paradise of serenity.

The passion grew as eyes meet

A mere voice that is concrete.

Clear and defined, real and kind

Forever, it was found.

OCTOBER 27, 2010

12:19 AM

PANAHON

2010-10-30T05:47:00.000+08:00

Hawak ko'y hindi magkamayaw na pagpipiglas

Ng damdaming pilit winawakas

Panahon ma'y sadyang lumipas

Puso'y umiibig pa rin ng wagas.

Kahit saan man ako'y magpunta

Alam kong ikaw parin ang sinta

Ikubli man ng mga kaganapan

Puso parin ang tunay na may alam.

Marami na rin ang nilakbay

At patuloy pang naglalayag

Marami narin ang nakasabay

At pati narin mga naghayag.

Alin man sa mga iyon

Hindi ko parin maramdaman

Ang pagmamahal na kailanman

Ako'y hindi pakakawalan

Mali man ang ako'y magtagal

At patuloy na balikan

Ng lugar na aking minamahal

Alam kong ako'y hindi pa pinagbibigyan

Sa mga dalanging matagal ng dasal

Pero buong puso ang aking pagtanggap

Na panahon lang ang makakayakap

Sa mga katuparan ng mga pangarap

At pagsagot sa mga hinahangad.

Hindi ko man mabitawan

Ang anino ng nakaraan

Alam kong kusa itong bibitawan

Sa panahong wala ninoman

Ang nakakaalam.

October 25, 11:56 PM

Josh

THE BREAK OF DAWN...THE TWILIGHT

2010-10-30T05:46:00.000+08:00

The dawn was broken...It is twilight. The sun is not yet visible though its ambient light sweetly peeps. It is a promise. The rain also had ceased. But there is still a mark of heavy rains around. The trees and plants enjoys the droplets of water brought by the evening rain. The land is still wet and muddy though it is optimistic of the coming sun to dry it. The air is still cold seemingly waiting for the touch of sunrays to make it warm. The long wait is not yet over but almost there. The twilight brings a hopeful fate. I am excited. I want to embrace the full blown morning but I know I still need to wait a little more. A little more patience.

In morning twilight, people still come and go. Many wakes up early to prepare for work. Many leave the houses to avoid being late. Many catch the early bus. This is the usual scenario in places where people are busy..in their career...in their respective life. In this time, there are still uncountable things that happen...in my life...in the life of the others.

Like the things around, I can still feel the rain and the coldness. There is still stiffness and still paralyzed. But like the tress, the plants, the land, and the air, I am determined to see the sunshine and that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

It was still cold few minutes just before the break of dawn. Someone tried to embrace me but then warmth needs sincerity to be felt.

"Do not weep. Great things are the rewards for those who know how to wait," he told me.

Coldness exists to learn warmth. Sadness was born to appreciate happiness.and thus pains are made for us to feel real love.The transition of the former to the latter marks the test of time. And in all aspect, waiting sometimes makes us weak especially when you are in the midst of lost, where finding the right path gets slimmer.

"I'm here to make moving on easy," he added.

Yes, he was there. But you know what he costs? He brought another rain. And that makes waiting tougher. I thought embracing the chance of having him will give me the sun that I've been waiting. I thought...and I was wrong.

No matter how tough, I persisted to wait...and I am still. In this twilight, I know I'm near. I just need to wait and enjoy the lovely twilight. I will embrace the peeping of the light as it excites me for a brighter morning!

October 23,2010

This is a sequel of "RAIN BEFORE THE BREAK OF DAWN"

UGNAYAN

2010-10-24T22:49:00.001+08:00

Ugnayan

Sapat na

Ang maipadama

Ang Tunay at dalisay

Na pagmamahal na walang kapantay

Kung ihahambing kanino pa man.

Wala. Wala naman

Hinihinging kapalit

Kundi ang marinig mo aking saloobin

At maipadama ang tunay

na damdamin.

Ngayong tapos na

Pagkakataong napagbigyan

Ako'y mamanahimik na

Dahil lahat nagawa ko na

Ang lahat ay sa iyo na

Kung ito'y may kinabukasan pa.

sept 26

INTINDIHAN

2010-10-24T22:43:00.000+08:00

Hindi ba nila maintindihan

Ang lungkot na bumabalot

Sa iyong kalooban?

O sadyang hindi lang nila maramdaman

Ang tunay mong pagmamahal?

Hindi ba nila alam
Buong buhay mo'y ikaw ay nagbibigay?
Alam ba nila na nais mo ding bigyan?
Tulad ng pagmamahal
Na iyong inaalay?

Hindi ba nila maisip

Na wala kang tanging hiling?

Kundi ang ibig ay makapiling.

Sa lahat ng panahon

Sa anumang pagkakataon.

Hindi nga nila alam.

Dahil patuloy ka nilang hinuhusgahan?

Mga taong hindi naman nariyan

Sa panahong lubos kang nangangailangan.

Hindi nga nila alam

Dahil patuloy ka nilang iniiwan?

Mga taong iyong minahal

Lubos at walang pag aalinlangan.

Hindi nga nila mainitindihan

Dahil sadyang hindi nila naramdaman

Na ang iyong kailangan

Ay hindi huwad na salita lamang

Kundi ang tunay at makatotohanan.

Oct 4, 2010

ULAN

2010-10-24T22:37:00.004+08:00

Noon, gustong gusto kong inihahalintulad ang sarili ko sa ulan. Medyo nakakapagtaka minsan kung bakit ito yung bagay na inihahalintulad ko sa sarili ko.Dahil kapag binaggit ang ulan, ito ay sumisimbolo ng pagluha. ang damdamin ay ulap na kapag ito ay mabigat na ibubuhos nito ang ulan. Madalas ganito nga ang ibig sabihin nito. Pero bakit ulan? Alam kong madalas sa akin ang umiyak. Pero hindi ito ang dahilan ko noon kung bakit ulan ang pinili ko.

Para sa akin, ang ulan ang isa sa pinakamatapang na bagay dito sa mundo. dahil ang ulan, kahit gaano man kataas ang mga ulap, hindi sya natatakot bumagsak. Matapang....Ang sakripisyong ibinabahagi ng ulan ay natatangi din. Kahit paulit ulit man bumigat ang ulap, kusa itong bibitiw upang gumaan ang dala dala nito. Mapagbigay...

Kung tutuusin, hindi naman alam ng ulan kung saan sya babagsak. Sa lupa ba? Sa mga halaman? Sa mga bundok? Sa mga Burol? Sa Karagatan? Hindi naman nya alam kung mayroong natatanging nilalang na sasalo sa pagbagsak nito. Maswete na lamang kung sa palad ito mismo babagsak. Pero madalas wala naman.

Sino bang nakakaalam kung natatakot ba ang ulan sa kanyang pagbagsak? Wala naman. Kasi wala namang may interest na malaman ito. At kung mayroon man, sasaluhin nya ba ito?

Ngayon, ulan parin ba ako? Nanaiisin ko paring maging tulad ng ulan na matibay ang loob pero sa mga bagay bagay na nagyari na sa akin? Natatakot na akong maging ulan. Kasi masakit pala yung pagbagsak na hindi alam ang babagsakan. Kasi ang hirap hirap bumagsak ng walang handang sumalo sa iyo. Kahit alam mong maraming bagay ang nariyan, hindi mo iyan maasahan na pagdating mo sa ibaba. Ilang beses ko na ring naranasan iyon. At hindi ko na siguro kakayanin ang susunod pa nito. . . Ngayon..ayoko muna ang ulan. Pero paroroon din at magiging karapatdapat na akong maging tulad ng ulan..

josh

October 16, 2010

12:20AM

THE BREAK OF DAWN...THE TWILIGHT

2010-10-24T20:06:00.000+08:00

It was still cold few minutes just before the break of dawn. Someone tried to embrace me but then warmth needs sincerity to be felt.

"Do not weep. Great things are the rewards for those who know how to wait," he told me.

"I'm here to make moving on easy," he added.

Yes, he was there. But you know what he costs? He brought another rain. And that makes waiting tougher. I thought embracing the chance of having him will give me the sun that I've been waiting. I thought...and I was wrong.

October 23,2010

This is a sequel of "RAIN BEFORE THE BREAK OF DAWN"

Climax

2010-10-17T12:30:00.007+08:00

Sige pa! Lumakad pa!

Tumakbo kung kaya!

Wag mong hayaang malugmok

Dahil may naghihintay sa tuktok!

Hahayaan mo bang siya lang

At patuloy na nililinlang?

Hahayaan mo bang matawag na bigo

At patuloy na maguho?

Hahayaan mo bang maiwanang mag-isa

Habangsiya'y nagpipista sa iba?

Hahayaan mo bang ikaw lang

Ang nagbibigay?

PAano naman ang pagdama

Na ikaw naman ang bigyan?

Hahayaan mo bang ikaw lang

At patuloy na ikaw lang?

Paano naman ang siya?

Hahayaan mo bang siya lang

At patuloy na siya?

Paano naman ang ikaw?

Huwag ikaw lang.. wag siya lang..

Masarap ang ikaw at siya!

Magkasama.

Magkapantay.

At kung hindi iyon kayang ilagay

Sa posisyon ng pagkakaunawaan

Sa tahanan ng pagbibigayan

Sa paraiso ng pagmamahalan

Hindi iyon sadyang" LAAN."

Kay't kung hindi mo man iyon natagpuan

Sulong ka pa!

Yaan mo't ikaw ay makakarating din

Sa tuktok na pikahihintay.

Kung saan ang Ikaw at siya ay pantay.

Josh=)

August 13, 2010

11:51 PM

.......

2010-10-11T20:12:00.000+08:00

How will I count the days of missing thee?

When every time I found thee?

Whenever I face the reflection of me

It is thee that I see.

How will I forget thee?

When every waking up

I found thee as the reason of life

Intindihan

2010-10-04T19:33:00.000+08:00

Hindi ba nila maintindihan

Ang lungkot na bumabalot

Sa iyong kalooban?

O sadyang hindi lang nila maramdaman

Ang tunay mong pagmamahal?

Hindi ba nila alam
Buong buhay mo'y ikaw ay nagbibigay?
Alam ba nila na nais mo ding bigyan?
Tulad ng pagmamahal
Na iyong inaalay?

Hindi ba nila maisip

Na wala kang tanging hiling?

Kundi ang ibig ay makapiling.

Sa lahat ng panahon

Sa anumang pagkakataon.

Hindi nga nila alam.

Dahil patuloy ka nilang hinuhusgahan?

Mga taong hindi naman nariyan

Sa panahong lubos kang nangangailangan.

Hindi nga nila alam

Dahil patuloy ka nilang iniiwan?

Mga taong iyong minahal

Lubos at walang pag aalinlangan.

Hindi nga nila mainitindihan

Dahil sadyang hindi nila naramdaman

Na ang iyong kailangan

Ay hindi huwad na salita lamang

Kundi ang tunay at makatotohanan.

Oct 4, 2010

Lesson Plan

2010-09-17T20:07:00.001+08:00

Magturo O turuan?

Liksyon mula sa karanasan.

O Liksyon na dapat pang matutunan?

Magturo o turuan?

Alin man sa dalawa;

Importante ay dagdag kaalaman.

Lesson plan, para saan?

Para sa mga guro lang, wika ng iba.

Dahil ito ay para sa mga studyanteng

Uhaw sa kaalaman.

Sandali, iyong pagisipan.

Hindi.

Hindi lang ito ang pinagmulan,

Dahilan, at patutunguhan.

Pinagmulan?

Hindi mo kailangan ang maging guro

Upang iakda ang iyong liksyon.Lahat ay may kanya kanyang liksyon na dapat paghandaan.

Dahilan? Para saan?

Yan ang malimit na katanungan?

Ano nga ba ang katuturan?

Ng mga karanasan at kaalaman para mabuhay?

Patutunguhan?

Ito ba ay para sa kanila?

sagli't at iyong pag-isipan.

Hindi kaya at ikaw angdapat na may matutuhan?

O kaya'y ikaw ang gawan ng lesson plan?

Madalas plano sa buhay

ay bigyang daanang maabot

at makapiling ang ganap na kaligayan

Sa ano mang aspeto sa buhay.

Makamit ang kagalakang,

Hanap ng pusong tunay.

Ngunit minsan din ay dapat pagplanuhan

Kung paano din tuturuan

Ang sarili sa kaligayahang hindi kayang makamtan

Upang hindi lubos na masaktan

Dulot ng mapait na kasawian.

Hindi ba't nararapat

Na hindi ang pagkamit lamang ang matutuhan?

Paano naman ang pagkabigo?

Kailangan kasama ang pagtanggap

Sa mga bagay na hindi posibleng mabigyang daan.

Lesson plan ko'y nilikha at aking nilagdaan

Karanasan ang pinagmulan

Dahilan ay sa sarili inilaan

Hindi upang iba ang makinabang

Dahil ito'y para sa sariling kapakanan.

Patungo sa realisasyon ng pagtanggap

Sa mga bagay na hindi ko kayang mayakap.

Dahil minsan, kailangan ding ituroAng sining ng pagkabigo.

A note before i sleep

2010-09-15T20:27:00.000+08:00

Relax. Magpahinga daw bago ako matulog. Yan ang payo sa akin upang hindi na daw maulit ang nagyari noong nakaraang Sabado. Kakatapos ko lang sa mga trabaho ko. Kaya bago ako matulog, kailangan ko munang irelax ang sarili ko. Para yang laro, bago ka maglaro kailangan mong magwarm-up at pagkatapos mong maglaro, kailangan mong magcool down.

Heto nga at lagi ko ng katabing matulog si mama, kasi para mabantayan daw ako. Lubos na nag-alala sa akin. Napapagalitan na nga dahil sa puyat at sa dami ng ginagawa. Hindi ako nagrereklamo. Ako din naman ang may gustong magtrabho (para mabuhay), at ako din ang kusang tumanggap ng mga part time works, at itong lingo pa na ito, may panibagong trabaho pa ako, (wala pa ang mga extra works sa school). Kaya nga, Mula 730AM hanggang 830PM, kumakayod pa... Sabi nila, pahinga ka naman,.. pero sabi ng iba, OK lang yan,,,paparoon at giginhawa din. Uulitin ko, hindi ako nagrereklamo. Nilalabas ko lang ang lahat ng pagod na meron ako. Wala namang masama.

Minsan lang akala ng iba na kung ano ano na lang isinusulat ko. Naiintindihan ko ang mga komento. dahil naiintindihan ko na iba iba ang opinyon ng tao..at ang higit sa lahat, naiintindihan ko na hindi naman nila talaga ako kilala.

Madalas, ang pagsusulat ang aking outlet. Magandang theraphy, sabi nila. Therapy? wala akong malubhang sakit. theraphy ito sa pagod na katawan, isipan at pakiramdam...ika nga phychomotor, cognitive, at affective. Lahat ng iyan napapagod lalo pa at ibinibigay yan ng bonggang bongga. Tulad ng sabi ko, wala namang malubhang sakit doon. At para sa akin, wala din namang masama. Sabagay, hindi naman lahat interesado sa mga sinusulat ko. Kaya hindi rin naman lahat nakakabasa ng mga ito. sino nga bang magaaksaya ng panahon sa mga ganito? Yun lang namang mga taong interesadong makilala ako, interesadong maintindihan at malaman ang mga ginagawa at nararamdaman ko. Eh konti lang naman ang mga iyon. Bilang na bilang.

Bakit ito outlet? Bakit naman hindi? Kasalanan ko bang maging unica? Ano bang magagawa ko kung halos lahat ng mga kaibigan ay busy sa kanya kanyang trabaho at buhay? Inuulit ko, hindi rin ito reklamo. Ang ibig ko lang sabihin, wala akong gaanong mga kaibigan na pwede kong pagsabihan lahat lahat. Piling-pili lang naman kasi mga kaibigan ko. Ayoko kasi ng maraming kaibigan, kasi marami na ang mga taong hindi totoo...ganoon din ang mga kaibigan. At kung iniisip ng iba na sinasabi ko na lahat lahat sa mga isinusulat ko, hindi rin iyon totoo. Marami paring limitasyon at mga bagay na hindi naisusulat. Dahil marami pa ring mga bagay na hindi kayang idaan sa pagsusulat..tulad ng mga sikretong nararamdaman, mga taong hindi pwedeng pangalanan, mga karanasan na mas mabuti nalang na makalimutan..marami..mrami pa. Bakit outlet? Bakit hindi?

Matutulog na ako. Salamat sa gabi. Salamat at natapos na ang unang bahagi ng aming pananaliksik. Marami pang gagawin bukas. marami pa. Ano man iyon? Bukas na lang. Pero alam ko, bukas may bago na akong numero sa cellphone. salamat naman!

Sept. 15, 2010

Josh

Distansya

2010-09-14T16:09:00.000+08:00

Distansya. Distansya ang malimit na dahilan na ibinibigay ng mga nasa relasyon kung bakit sila nagkasiraan. Kaya nga palaging pinag-uusapan ang paniniwala sa long distance relationship, kung ito ay posible o hindi. Hindi na mahalaga sa akin kung posible ito o hindi. Kung tunay na aanalisahin, hindi naman iyon ang usapin. Ang tunay na usapin doon ay kung ano nga ba ang long distance relationship.

Madalas banggitin ito kapag ang dalawang tao ay malayo sa isa't isa. Literal na distansya, ika nga. Kapag ba ang isa ay nasa hilaga at

ang isa ay nasa timog; kapag nasa magkaibang bansa; o kaya'y ang isa ay nasa syudad, habang ang isa ay nasa probinsya? Ito nga ang literal na distansya na namamagitan sa kanila. Pero ito nga ba ang basehan ng long distance relationship? Kapag ba ang isang tao ay nasa kabilang barangay lang, hindi na ba iyon long distance?

Sa aking paniniwala, dala na rin ng mga karanasan sa buhay, hindi ito ang tunay na kahulugan ng distansya. Hindi ito ang sukatan ng relasyon. Ngunit tunay na mahirap ang magkalayo, ang hindi pagkikita sa araw araw, linggo-lingo, o maging buwan-buwan...Alam kong mahirap iyon dahil araw-araw nariyan ang pangungulila. Pero ganoon pa man, hindi ito ang hirap sa long distance relationship. Hindi ito.

Sa lubos na pagmamahal at pagpapahalaga, karanasan ang nagturo sa akin upang maintindihan at lubusang maunawaan ang mga tunay na kaganapan at kahulugan ng mga pangyayari at ng buhay. Aking natutuhan na ang long distance relation ship ay hindi ang malayong milya na nakapagitan sa inyong dalawa kundi ang nagkalayong paniniwala, paninindigan at prioridad sa buhay. Ito ang tunay na long distance relationship. Kahit gaano man kalayo, kung tunay ang pagpapahalaga sa pagmamahalan at pinagsamahan, hindi kailanman magiging dahilan ang distansya.

Badminton

2010-09-12T18:17:00.000+08:00

Laro. Ito ang aking ginawa ngayong maghapon. Hindi naman ang maging magaling sa isport na ito ang aking habol. Mas nananaig sa akin ang mag-enjoy at makabonding ang mga kaibigan at pinsan..at maaring makahanap ng mga bagong kaibigan. Nananaig din sa akin ang magkaroon ng libangan na kapakipakinabang at makakatulong sa akin upang ilayo ko ang sarili ko sa nakakasukang pagod at pressure na dala ng trabaho at iba't ibang bagay sa aking buhay. Minsan kailangan din ang magpalipas oras..ang magliwaliw...ngunit dapat ito ay may mabuting maitutulong sa akin.

Masarap maglaro ng badminton. Hindi ako magaling, alam ko iyon. Baguhan kung tutuusin. Pero hindi iyon hadlang upang hindi ko magustuhan ito. Lahat naman ay nagsisimula sa pagiging baguhan. Tulad ng sabi ko, masarap ang maglaro ng badminton. DAhil sa bawat palo ng raketa at paglipad ng shuttle cock, naibubuhos ko lahat ng aking nararamdaman. Nandoon narin syempre ang diskarte sa pagpalo.

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko ito lalaruin. sana magtagal. sana hanggang may pagkakataon. Pero isa lang ang sigurado ako, ang paglalaro ng badminton ay isang bagay na lubos na nakakatulong sa akin ngayon. Sa papaanong paraan? Sa paraang ang mga tunay na nakakakilala lang sa akin ang nakakaalam. sa ngayon, ang alam ko, may laro pa ako sa susunod na linggo. Iyon na muna ang iisipin ko bago ko isipin kung hanggang kailan ako maglalaro. Maaring hanggang may kalaro..hanggang may panahon. hanggang...

Sa ngayon, ako'y magpapahinga muna. Aking yayakapin ang masarap na pagtulog...dahil bukas ay panibagong pagharap nanaman sa naghihintay na trabaho at umaasang mga kaisipan na maari kong maturuan.Isang mapagpalang gabi.

Sept 12, 2010

ARROW'S HEAD

2010-08-30T18:56:00.000+08:00

Two arrows in a row hit the target, a bull's eye!

Two archers. Two arrows.One target!

Alas! The archers must be experts.

Perfect how they handle the bow

One each strike, and the arrows are there!

Each defines a thousand death;

Traitors in its existence;

The killers in the crime.

-josh

August 30

10:32 PM

KULAY

2010-08-28T17:38:00.000+08:00

"Tama iyan! Sige lang! Iyan ang mga nagbibigay kulay sa buhay!" Mga katagang nabanggit ng isang matalik na kaibigan. Pawang mga katagang binitawan ng minsang ikinuwento ko ang mga bagay-bagay na ginagawa ko at mga taong pinagaalayan ko ng panahon at oras. Oo nga't aking napag-isip isip na nararapat lang na hayaan kong maging makulay ang mga kaganapan sa aking buhay. Hayaang yakapin ang mga pagkakataon na makakapagpasaya sa akin at matutuhang bitawan at pakawalan ang mga bagay na nakakasakit at nakakapanlumo.

Sa araw ding iyon, biglang sumagi sa isip ko, kaysarap mabuhay sa makikinang at matitingkad na kulay. Nakakatuwa...nakakagalak...nakakasaya. Pero akin ding nawari, hindi ba't madami nang naging kulay ang aking buhay? maraming matitingkad, marami din naman ang mapupusyaw. Ngunit halos lahat ng mapupusyaw na ito ay nagmula din lang sa mga matitingkad. Mga kulay na nawalan ng tingkad sa pagdaan ng panahon...mga kupas na tingkad.

Tila ba ito sa isang makulay na damit na pumuputi sa paglipas ng ilang pagkakalaba. Tila ba pintura na sa pagdaan ng panahon ay nawawala o kumukupas din...Nasabi ko na lang, siguro ang mga matitingkad na damit o pintura na ito ay hindi orihinal kaya't kumukupas. dahil ang mga tunay ay nagtatagal at hindi kumukupas. Maaring tama.Maaring pwedeng ihambing ang mga ito.

Sadyang ang buhay ay maraming kulay at maraming nagbibigay at nagpapatingad nito. Subalit hindi rin maikakaila na minsan kahit gaano man katingkad o kaningning ang mga ito, mayroon pa ring mawawalan ng kulay o kaya'y maabawasan ang tingkad. Tila sadya ka lang pasasayahin ngunit biglang babawiin kapag naroon ka na sa tuktok ng kagalakan.

Maaring marami ng ganitong kaganapan ang nangyari sa akin. Marami ng kulay ang naipinta, ngunit kumupas na rin. Marami ng damit na naikula at nalabhan kaya't nawawalan na ng kulay. Tanging yoong mga totoo lang ang naiiwan at patuloy ang tingkad , na patuloy ding nagpapagalak sa akin. Ngunit sa tuwing nababalikan ko ang mga kupas na mga bahagi, hindi ko maiwasan ang malungkot dahil sa kanilang pagkawala...Akin na lang kinukuntento ang sarili sa realidad na minsan sila'y bahagi din ng aking kagalakan at matingkad na buhay. . . Na kailangan ko ding ipagpasalamat.

Sabagay, alam ko namang marami pang kulay ang nakahandang magpatingkad sa aking buhay ngunit nais ko sana sa mga susunod ay yoong mga orihinal na damit o pintura nalamang. Yoong sadyang makakasama ko sa lahat ng panahon. Yoong sadyang tunay at orihinal. Sa ngayon, ipinagpapasalamt ko ang bawat asul, berde, pula, dilaw, lila, daladan, at kanilang kombinasyon, na dumating sa buhay ko. At sa mga darating pa..ooopppss.. off limits na ang hindi orihinal.

Pero sino nga bang nakakaalam kung hindi iyon susubukan?

2010-08-27T18:43:00.000+08:00

sabi nila, kung ikaw ay mahuhulog, dalawang bagay lang iyan; maaring may sumalo sa iyo o masakit kang babagsak.Ilang beses na ba akong nahulog na walang sumasalo? hindi ko na mabilang. minsan naitatanog ko na din kung bakit hindi ako natututo sa mga pagbagsak na ito.masasakit ang mga ito. tila baga kailangan pang humantong sa intensive care unit upang mapagaling lang ang pagkakahulog.

hindi ko na rin mawari kung pagmamahal nga ba ang dahilan o sadyang katangahan lang... pero ang tanging alam ko tunay ang bwat emosyong inilalaan ko dito. nakakalungkot lang na gaano man iyon katapat at kadakila ay nababalewala parin. MAaring dahil hindi sa tamang tao iyon inilaan. Pero sino nga bang nakakaalam kung hindi iyon susubukan?

sabi ng kaibigan, "hindi karin naman natututo no?" akin ngang napag-isipisip.kailan nga ba ako matututo? hindi ko alam. minsan kahit ang mga guro ay hindi nila matutuhan ang ibang mga liksyon. o kaya'y nandon ang realisasyon ngunit hindi lang ito tuluyang tinatanggap dahil minsan nagpupumiglas ang nararamdaman. ninanais na sumubok o kaya'y lumaban na maaring magbago ang kapalaran.

minsan sa pagkahulog, may sumasalo, ngunit sa huli'y bibitawan ka rin pala. tila ba, pinigilan lang or pinahaba lang ang paghihintay ng iyong pagkahulog. mas masakit iyon, dahil nilakipan na iyon ng pag-asa at pagtitiwala na hindi ka na babagsak muli. minsan iyo na lang mababanggit, "sana huwag na lang."

Alin nga ba ang tunay na masakit sa pagkahulog, ang ikaw ba ay hayaang bumagsak na lang o paasahing sa dulo'y may sasalo sa iyo? para sa akin, pareho lang.kahit saan naman yan dalhin, mahuhulog at mahuhulog ka din, masasaktan at masasaktan ka pinaasa ka man o hindi. dahil wala namang kundisyon ang kasama kapag emosyon na ang nakataya.

sa kabila ng lahat, ayoko namang pagsisihan ang bawat emosyong aking inilalaan, mahulog man at makatamo ng malakas na pagbagsak. Oo nga't masasaktan sa huli,ngunit hindi mo naman maikakaila na sa bawat pagbibigay sa iba ng iyong nararamdaman ay pagbibigay din sa iyong sarili ng pagkakataon na maari mong maramdaman na ikaw din ay kayang bigyan. Sa huli'y pinalaya mo lang ang iyong sarili ng buong tapang at walang pag aalinlangan.

Kung sa susunod, ako'y mahuhulog muli. sana doon na sa lugar kung saan may sasalo sa akin at hindi na ihuhulog muli. At sa wakas ay hindi na masasaktan pa.

Auguagesyst 23, 2010 Tragedy: Whom to Blame?

2010-08-24T18:46:00.000+08:00

As I start this piece, I find no words to sum up the tragedy yesterday, August 23. Maybe because I am disappointed with so much things and my heart is saddened and mourning for the lives and experience of the victims.

I am a Filipino. I am proud to be one. But being proud doesn't mean I am biased with my country. What happened yesterday really captured my thoughts as I keep on thinking, what seems to be the problem? What is the problem? Whom to blame? Eleven long hours- the hostage taker, the hostages, the policemen, the Filipinos,and the whole world, waited for eleven long hours just to witness dramatic bloody end. It was long enough to settle such incident to something peaceful- that is how I see it. Of course, it easy to say but if only proper measures were followed, it wont end that way.

The late Senior Inspector Rolando Mendoza needed to be blame. He is the cause of this. Though he had his reasons, yet, no matter what the end is, it does not justify his means. Maybe he felt he need justice or impartiality on his case, being an inspector/policeman, he should know very well, that crime should be out of his means. The incident will never accept an excuse.

The policemen needs to be blame. Of course, not all blames should be given to them. I find it shameful that the Philippine National Police showed the whole world how unprepared we are for such incidence. No matter how isolated the case is, the PNP as the home of security of the people should always have a strong means to defend its people. They should be the experts of weapons and tactics to ensure that lives wont be taken...especially the lives of the ordinary people, the victims.The PNP logged far behind from the policemen of other nation. Though a lot of mistakes were seen, still, I know it is not easy to be in their situation risking their life. But I remain with my former opinion regarding the PNP in general.

The media also took responsibility. Even media experts commented about the live forecasts. I know, it is their business to update people, but it is another story if lives of the hostages are at risk. The media even reported detailed movements of the PNP, and even unrelated reports just to say something over the air. The bus has its own television that would give the hostage takers the idea about the move of the policemen, to know what happens around, and also to know the situation of his family members. It is expected that if the hostage taker doesn't like what he sees and learns from the media, he will show violent response. And that reality gave risks to the hostages. I hope the media will read and analyze what they're doing. And never forget the term RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM.

The government, on the other hand, also has to be blame. There should be a quick response intelligently. They should have instructed the army men, the NBI, the military, all the forces that will help them. In situation like this, unity among these troupes is really necessary. the government, should also took his sensitive response to the media reports and have blocked live telecast of the incidence.

The justice, the root of all of these. Justice and impartiality, the demand of the hostage takers. This is the very reason why people were placed or forced to be in situation like this just to fight for their rights. I hope in the future, there will be no more rebellion. That is, if justice is really present.

One day after the sad fate of the hostage taking in Quirino Grandstand, I can feel the emotions of the Hong Kong nationals especially for their fellowmen who were the victims. I know it is just right for them to feel anger because the lives of their love ones were taken brutally. But I stand, that no one wanted this to happen. And thus, the Hong Kong nationals should not stereotype Filipinos and should not put their anger to the ordinary OFWs.

This piece is not to pin point those whom really to blame. This is again an opinion and is subjected to my personal point of view. This piece aim to make us realize where we really are now. The effect of such moves. The cost of such actions. I hope this tragedy will give us lessons, rather than merely criticize.To criticize isn't bad if in each criticism that we lay, we learn and thus, never do the same mistake again.

August 23 Tragedy, whom really to blame?

Josh=)

August 24, 2010

Climax

2010-08-13T19:56:00.000+08:00

Sige pa! Lumakad pa!

Tumakbo kung kaya!

Wag mong hayaang malugmok

Dahil may naghihintay sa tuktok!

Hahayaan mo bang siya lang

At patuloy na nililinlang?

Hahayaan mo bang matawag na bigo

At patuloy na maguho?

Hahayaan mo bang maiwanang mag-isa

Habangsiya'y nagpipista sa iba?

Hahayaan mo bang ikaw lang

Ang nagbibigay?

PAano naman ang pagdama

Na ikaw naman ang bigyan?

Hahayaan mo bang ikaw lang

At patuloy na ikaw lang?

Paano naman ang siya?

Hahayaan mo bang siya lang

At patuloy na siya?

Paano naman ang ikaw?

Huwag ikaw lang.. wag siya lang..

Masarap ang ikaw at siya!

Magkasama.

Magkapantay.

At kung hindi iyon kayang ilagay

Sa posisyon ng pagkakaunawaan

Sa tahanan ng pagbibigayan

Sa paraiso ng pagmamahalan

Hindi iyon sadyang" LAAN."

Kay't kung hindi mo man iyon natagpuan

Sulong ka pa!

Yaan mo't ikaw ay makakarating din

Sa tuktok na pikahihintay.

Kung saan ang Ikaw at siya ay pantay.

Josh=)

August 13, 2010

11:51 PM

isang malaking "wala lang."

2010-08-07T20:12:00.000+08:00

Gusto kong magsulat kanina pa, ngunit wala akong maisip na isang partikular na bagay na pwede kong isulat. Sadya na lang dumating sa aking pakiramdam ang kagustuhang magsulat. Pilit kong tinatanong sa sarili kung gusto ko bang ihayag ang nararamdaman o magbigay kahulugan sa mga bagay bagay. Ang una, ayoko ng bigyang diin pa kung ano ang tunay kong nararamdaman. Paulit ulit lang naman.Kung ang huli naman, wala akong iisang bagay na naiisip na bigyan ng mga salita.

Kung akin namang ilalahad ang kaganapan sa aking sa nakaraang linggo. Hindi rin naman ito ganon kainteresado dahil tulad lang naman ng paulit ulit na ginagawa...trabaho..bahay..trabaho parin... salamat at may rotary at nasasabi kong may social life pa ako. sa lamat din pala sa badminton games at nasasabi ko pang nakakapagexercise pa ako..(healthy living kuno)...salamat din sa facebook at nailalabas ko lahat ng stress sa aking trabaho.... wala namang gaanong highlights ika nga. pero salamat na lang at nagkaroon ng unexpected bonus at may pang mall at pang movie ako. salamat sa movie na SALT at muntik na akong hindi makahinga sa suspense. salamat sa mga kaibigan kasamahang guro sa walang tinggil na pang aalaska at pambubuyo sa aming kasamahan..kahit paano sumasaya ang faculty room. salamat at kaming lahat ay sports..walang pikon. salamat at maraming salamat sa mga nakatext..nakachat... sa lahat ng naalala ko...salahat lahat. kahit ano man yan ..kahit sino....salamat na lang. wala alng talga akong alam na gawin dahil dusto ko lang magsulat. bago matulog...

bukas alam ko paggising ko,,magiging masakit ang katawan ko dahil sa pitong oras na paglalaro ng badminton.

magandang at pasensya na sa walang kwentang blog.

San Fernando Intersection

2010-08-01T18:00:00.000+08:00

Kanina habang binabaybay ko ang daan papuntang terminal, papunta sa bahay ng kaibigang si Vergel upang ibigay ang aming pakikiramay sa pagkawala ng kanyang pinaka mamahal na ina, akin lamang naisip noong makarating ako malapit sa intersection ng San Fernando, ganito pala ang buhay. Madaming sasakyang dumadaan. May kanya-kanyang patutunguhan. Minsan kayo'y makakarating sa parehong pupuntahan minsan. May mga sasakyang sasabay sa bilis ng g pag-usad ngunit sa dulo'y hihiwalay din at kakailanganin ng lumiko upang puntahan ang kanayang destinasyon. Minsan din na pagdating sa intersection, sadyang maghihiwalay ang mga landas. MAy liliko, may iikot pakanan, pakaliwa o kaya'y diretso lang.Iba-iba. Sadyang ang buhay ay parang biyahe ng mga sasakyan sa kalsada.

Aking naisip, matagal na pala ako sa byahe.marami ng intersection ang aking nadaanan. Maraming nakakatuwa na hanggang ngayon, kasama ko parin sila sa paglalakbay, sabay na tinatahak ang isang landas. Ngunit, nakakalungkot din na minsan akala mo'y tuloy tuloy mo syang makakasama, ngunit bigla din palang liliko. Minsan, may mga intersection din na sakto lang kayong magkikita ngunit magkaibang landas pala ang inyong tatahakin.

Sa kalsada ng buhay ko, marami akong natutunan, mga sasakyang kapag ako'y nasiraan ay hihinto din at kusa akong tutulungan. May mga sasakyang, tila nakikipagkarera na gusto kang ungusan at makipag-agawan. may mga malalaking sasakyang tila ba naghahahari-harian sa daan at minamaliit ang aking sasakyan. May mga sasakyang masayang makikisabayan sa iyo kahit saan man magpunta. Sa kalsada din, aking natutunan ang mga batas na dapat sundin...batas trapiko, na kailangang sundin.kailan ba dapat huminto, magbigay daan, o kaya'y tumakbo. May mga batas na bawal. May mga tuntunin ng kaligtasan. Sa kalsada din, iba iba ang uri ng daan, may aspaltado, sementado o kaya'y yung sira-sira pa, maputik at kung anu-ano pa. Dito sa kalsadang ito, kailangan ang tibay ng loob upang malampasan ang madulas o kahit ang bakubakong daan man.

Maraming nangyayari sa kalsada. Saan kaman magpunta, ikaw ay may makikilala na mapagtatanungan kung ikaw ay nawawala. Saan ka man patungo, nandyan ang posibilidad na ikaw ay masiraan o maubusan ng gas. Ngunit wag kang mag-alalala. Kailangan lang ng tibay ng loob at determinsayon na makarating sa patutunguhan, lahat ay makakayanan. Gaano man ito kabagal. GAano man ito kabilis. Gaano man ka dulas o kaputik ang daan. Siguraduhin lang na sa intersection na dadaanan mo, alam mo kung saan ka liliko.

Tag-ulan, Tag-araw... Halika't Sumabay!

2010-07-27T15:45:00.000+08:00

Ilang beses na bang umulan? Panahon na naman ng bagyo't kalamidad. Mukhang bubuhos na naman ang malakas na unos. Kakatapos lang nito, hindi ba? Madilim ang langit. Mukhang mabigat ang kanyang dala dala. Halata sa kapaligiran na masama ang panahon.Kumidlat sa gitna ng madilim na kalangitan. Tila isa itong senyales ng tuluyang masama na ang panahon. Damang-dama ang lamig ng ihip ng hangin na tila bagang naghuhudyat na kakailanganin ang makapal na kumot o kaya'y balabal upang labanan ito. Kailangan na namang umuwi ng bahay upang maibsan ang lamig at basa na dulot ng ulan. Kailangan nang magpalit ng damit upang hindi na tuluyang magkasakit. Kailangan din ang payong upang may panangga sakaling sa kalagitnaan ng daan ay biglang uulan.

Aking naalala, kahapon sa aking pagtulog, lamig ng Disyembre ang aking kayakap magdamag. Ngunit mapanglaw na langit at malamig paring hangin ang sumalubong at humalik sa aking paggising. Nakakapagtaka. Ganon na pala ako katagal natulog. Ang tanging nagbago ay panahon ngunit ang lamig ng hangin at ang sama ng kapaligiran ay naroon parin. Mahaba-habang panahon din ang aking hihintayin upang matapos ang panahon ng tag-ulan. Marami pang ulan ang bubuhos. Minsan mahina, ngunit madalas ay malakas. Nakakabigat ng kalooban. Sa bawat patak nito ay madadama ang bigat na dala ng langit. Kung pwede lang ibuhos lahat upang wala ng ulan bukas.

Salamat at may bahay akong uuwian na tiyak sa aki'y magbibigay ng proteksyon. Salamat at may mga makakapal na kumot at balabal akong natitira sa aming bahay. Maari ko pa silang gamitin upang aking maikubli ang sarili sa labis na panginginig. Salamat at matibay ang Payong na aking dala-dala na sa kahit anong panahon ay kaya akong isilong, maging sa init ng araw o lakas ng ulan man.

Matutulog na akong muli. Bukas inaasahan ko na tapos na ang unos... tumila na ang ulan. Tapos na rin ang matatalim na kidlat. Maligaya kong sasalubungin ang sikat ni haring araw at sabay naming bibigyang kulay ang bawat bagay sa aming kapaligiran. Sabay kaming magniningning sa bawat buhay na aming masinagan. Sabay kaming magbibigay pag-asa sa mga taong nasadlak din sa unos at nabasa ng ulan.

Ikaw, gusto mo bang sumabay?

one divided by zero

2010-07-25T17:41:00.000+08:00

what i feel today? it's one divided by zero, it is undefined. I just really can't find words that can at least describe how i feel. damn hell...maybe that's closer. God bless the one who made me feel this!